


One to Call Her Own

by InannaAthanasia



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age II
Genre: Andraste - Freeform, Attempt at Humor, Awkward Flirting, Awkward Kissing, Awkwardness, Blood Magic, Dark Magic, Death, Declarations Of Love, Demonic Possession, Demons, Desire, Desire Demon(s) (Dragon Age) - Freeform, Dragon Age II Spoilers, Dreams, Dreams and Nightmares, Dreams vs. Reality, F/M, Fade Dream(s), Falling In Love, Fear, Fear of Death, Friendship/Love, Grey Wardens, Humor, Jealousy, Kirkwall, Loss of Parent(s), Love, Love Confessions, Love Letters, Love Triangles, Love at First Sight, Lust, Lust Potion/Spell, Mages, Mages and Templars, Magical Artifacts, NSFW, Nightmares, Oral Sex, Original Character(s), Parent Death, Pride Demon(s) (Dragon Age) - Freeform, Rough Sex, Sex, Sex Magic, Sexual Content, Sexual Fantasy, Sexual Tension, Sibling Rivalry, Siblings, Spells & Enchantments, Templars, The Chantry, The Fade, The Void, True Love, Vengeance Demon(s), Violence, sexual dreams
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-03
Updated: 2015-04-03
Packaged: 2018-03-15 04:39:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 29,180
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3433862
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InannaAthanasia/pseuds/InannaAthanasia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Demetria Hawke is a determined woman. She inspires loyalty and love among her friends and fear in her enemies. Something wicked is invading her dreams now and stalking her. No matter how tough Hawke is, for the first time ever in her life she is scared. With the loss of her family she feels alone, despite the love of her friends. While many men are in love with her, she will turn to only one to walk through hell itself with her.</p><p>They say the strongest steel is forged in the fires of hell, but it is a man or a woman who wields it?</p><p>********************************************************************************************************<br/>Artwork I made newly added too. See my other work at: http://ourmysticalnonsense.deviantart.com/</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. And it Shall Begin

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by the lovely R2sMuse and her love of Hawke and Cullen together in DA2
> 
>  
> 
> rated Explicit do to content in later chapters due to graphic violence and sex.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New art added. Cullen and Demetria drawn by myself

                                                              

Hawke sat and cried. Her beautiful Mother was dead and it was her fault. She should of watched her closer, should of got there faster, should of...something, anything but what she did and that was failing her Mother. Her home was packed with her family and friends, including her sister Bethany who was a mage in the Kirkwall Circle. Normally Mages were never allowed to leave the gallows, but lucky for her she was close friends with the Knight-Captain Cullen who convinced Knight-Commander Meridith to let Bethany stay with her sister for a few weeks. Cullen had also argued that Hawke had done much to help the Templars of Kirkwall and as a loyal friend of the order, she would not disobey the Order's rules and try to sneak her sister out Kirkwall.

She sat in her bedroom crying, far away from the others. All of them mourned Leandra in each of their unique ways and while she appreciated them all, she just couldn't face anyone right now. Each had tried their own way to speak to her and draw her out. But still she wanted to be alone. Finally as they all began to leave, each one came to say goodnight and if she needed them, they would be there for her and the typical stuff someone would say before leaving. Finally Knight-Captain Cullen came in to say his goodbyes as well.

"Hawke, I won't pretend to know the right things to say or insult you that a few words spoken will somehow make you feel better"

She smiled slightly, Cullen was always so upfront and honest with her, it was one of her favorite things about him.

"But I do want you to know Bethany can stay here with you for a couple of weeks. As long as you do not mind me coming by every couple of days to check on her, Meridith will allow it."

She looked up at him and he felt his heart break for his friend. Hawke was truly a good woman and he hated that life seemed to try and put her down every chance it got.

"Thank you Cullen" she said weakly

"Demetria" she had never heard him use her first name before "are you sure there is nothing else I can do for you? You have been such a good friend to the Order and myself, I feel like there should be something I can do, something to help"

She looked up at him

"Helping to convince Meridith to let Bethany stay for a few weeks is more than I could every ask for. Thank you Cullen"

He gave her a smile and nod of his head and left.

Thankfully, she was alone.

*******

 _She was walking the Fade and Demons were chasing her.She had her sword with her thankfully, but could she really fight off that many?_ _Her legs were screaming at her to stop. Then she saw it. Large, screaming, dripping with blood, teeth sharpened and the sound? Sound of millions of people screaming at once, drenched in insanity and it wants to add her to its collection. It wants her soul, it needs it and well accept nothing less._

Hawke sat up in bed with a scream. Quickly Bethany is there. She had been having the nightmare since before their Mother died, but since then they had become so much worse and each time she felt something getting closer and wanting to savor her fear piece by piece. How do you fight something like that?

"Same dream Sister?" Bethany asks

"Yes, but I felt more this time. It wants my Soul Bethany. But not just to consume, its wants it to eat, slowly and with as much pain as possible. I'm scared Bethany." Hawke was crying. Why was this going on? Was she under a real threat or was it her guilt over her not being able to save their Mother making them get worse since that horrid moment?

"I am going to see if Cullen can get me a bit longer here with you, I don't want you alone"

"Bethany, you know he can't. Meridith has been accommodating so far but we can't afford to push it"

"I just don't want to see you alone right now"

"I'll ask Anders or Fenris to stay, I am sure one of them or even some of the others would be willing to help"

"You and your boys, I swear every single man in Kirkwall wants you" Bethany gave her a grin and a wink

"Hardly, the ones you always refer as mine, are simply good friends and as companions of mine, they are not interested in me like that"

"Hmph, and what about Ser Cullen? He is not one of your companion?"

"Funny, he is simply a kind man and I have done many things to help him and the Templars, so it is not surprising he would return the favor"

"We will see"

******

Hawke walked Bethany back to the Gallows. She hated her Sister living in such a horrid place, but there wasn't nothing she could do about it much to her frustration. Standing at his normal post Hawke saw Cullen and smiled and waved, a greeting he returned.

"Hawke, good to see you. Bringing Mistress Bethany back I see? You'll earn points with Meridith bringing her here instead of me having to come there tonight for her"

"I appreciate how kind it was of you to even ask and get permission for Bethany to be with me, so I didn't want to risk Meridith being angry over it and taking it out on you"

"You're very kind and I appreciate the thought, especially when it might keep me out of trouble" he grinned

Hawke was returning his smile when Bethany nudged her and gave her that look. Hawke groaned and rolled her eyes.

"Is everything OK?" Cullen asked

"Fine, just having a Sister moment"

"Hopefully better than mine" he laughed

"You have Sisters?" Hawke had never asked about anything personal in his life

"Two Sisters and a Brother, but I am closest to the eldest, Mia and we often had loving family moments" he laughed

"Loving family moments huh? That's one way to put it" she laughed and rolled her eyes

"Come now Sister" Bethany said with an innocent look "we always get along right?"

"Hmph I will refrain from saying anything else on the subject, _Sister_ "

"We were bonding last night while talking about the men in your life and how..."

Hawke put her hand on her sister's mouth and looked at Cullen and asked if he could use silence on her.

"I don't think keeping your sister from talking about your personal affairs is justification for using my Templar abilities" He laughed

"Well there you go Sister, Cullen can't help you" Bethany winked at him

They all laughed as Ander's came jogging up to them.

"There you are, I've been looking for you. I found the book you were looking for about Tevinter Dreamers"

"Wait, you told _him_ about the nightmares but won't talk to me about it?" Bethany was not happy

"Bethany, you know why I can't involve you, one wrong step and you could be made tranq..." Hawke stopped remembering Cullen was with them "um well anyway, I don't want to involve you"

" Hawke" Cullen said quietly " You do not need to worry about anything in front of me. I may not understand the worry on having a sibling who is a mage, but I do understand the need to protect a sibling from harm"

Hawke smiled and without thinking hugged him, but hearing the gasp of both Anders and Bethany she pulled back quickly.

"Oh Maker, I am so sorry Cullen, I wasn't thinking and, oh good grief..."

Cullen knew his face had to be red. Only a blind man wouldn't blush over having a woman as beautiful as Hawke hug him in public and even then if was blind he still would over having her body colliding with his.

"It's um, well don't worry about it Hawke"

"Maybe we should go somewhere else to discuss this Hawke" Anders obviously was not amused by what happened

"Yes and I will escort Bethany back to her room"

"You mean prison cell" Anders said angrily

"Anders! That's uncalled for" Hawke was shocked at his behavior

"Uncalled for? You sit here and throw yourself at a _Templar_ in front of your own sister who is forced into a prison guarded by them and what I said is wrong? As if!"

"Now wait right there Mage _and_ Apostate while most do not know who you are, I do and yet I do nothing out of respect for Hawke"

"Respect? Wasn't it you who dragged Bethany to the circle while Hawke was in the deep roads? You disgust me"

"And you had best remember where you are" Cullen shot back

"And both of you need to stop it now" Hawke stepped in "Cullen, thank you again for helping so Bethany could stay with me and now seeing her back" she paused "and you Anders need to once in awhile think of someone other than yourself"

Angry Hawke turned and left them all standing with their mouths open.

"I think you might want to avoid my Sister for awhile Ander's even your skills as a healer might not be able to save you" Bethany said and turning she walked into the Gallows tower with Cullen.

******

_She was running again, was it the Fade or somewhere else? She heard it speak as she ran. "Run, run little girl, no one hides from me. I see everywhere and hear everything. You can not hide and when I find you, I will devour you and enjoy every second. You have been promised and it is a prize to great not to take". She heard the laughing, evil and heart stopping laughter. She felt something behind her, something getting closer. Hot breath on her skin. Maker, she prayed, don't let it get me._

She woke up screaming and the next thing she knew, Cullen was there holding her.

"It's OK Hawke, I've got you" he rocked her in his arms.

She clung to him crying, pulling him closer so that his body was pressed firmly against her. It was then she realized he was not in his Templar armor, but in a tunic that allowed her to feel his body for the first time. She hated the part of her that thought it, but she couldn't deny that Cullen felt very good in her arms. She couldn't stop herself from nuzzling his neck and smelling his unique scent that made her want to groan in pleasure. Pulling back some she looked into his eyes and saw a small smile before he took possession of her mouth in the hottest kiss she ever had. She wanted him desperately and began pulling his shirt up so she could feel his skin.

_And you thought you were awake? Laughter, sinister laughter. I can feel your desires little girl. How you want the Templar. You with a mage father, a mage sister and mage friends, wants a Templar to love, how pathetic. How would your father feel if you betrayed mages for the love of a Templar?_

Hawke woke up screaming again, but this time there is no one to come running to her side. For the first time ever, she feels alone. No Mother to give her comfort, no brother who would critique her, while showing in his own way he loves her and no sister to hold her and tell her they will get through it together. Hawke was alone. Part of her wanted whatever was haunting her to win, being alone was to much for her, she no longer had someone to protect and fight for. She curled up in as small as ball as she could on her huge bed and cried. Hawke had no one.

_******_

Anders was there going through books he found on demons and demonic minions to try to help her figure out what was happening to her. She didn't tell him all of it, but enough for him to be able to search for answers to help her. She sat by him feeling numb. She was scared the demon or whatever it was, had already started what he threatened to do, consume her soul. How could one be complete and feel so empty.

Anders noticed the shift in Hawke, of course he noticed everything about her. He had been in love with her since the moment they spoke after Karl died. Her compassion and beauty would tempt any man to want her, but her heart was the true treasure. He doubted any woman in this world could compare to her. He turned to speak to her.

"Hawke, are you alright?"

"Yeah, I am not....well never mind, but yes I am OK"

"Why don't I stay for a few days, maybe being there when the dreams happen or right after one I could help trace what this is"

"You would do that for me?" she asks shyly

"Of course I would, there is nothing in this world I wouldn't do for you." He took her hand in his and smiled "You have always been here for me, even when you probably should of ran" her chuckled " So I would do what I can for you no matter what"

She smiles at him. Anders was so sweet sometimes. Most of her companions could only see him as a vessel for the spirit Justice who had become a vengeful being that no cost was to high in his quest. But If one looked they could still see Anders; Anders the healing, the scholar, the man who loved cats and made odd jokes that only a person who appreciated dark humor could get. He was a normal passionate man who got lost along the way, but was trying hard to claw his way out and rid himself of Vengeance, because she refused to think of that horrid being as Justice after the things he had said and pulled when holding Anders hostage inside his own body. Somehow they had to find a way to him him, because she wouldn't loose him to a being that didn't belong in their world.

"Thank you Anders, and yes I would like that and I do hope it will help find out what is going on and getting rid of it."

They smiled at each other for a moment when Bodahn announced a visitor, Walking out of the study she saw Cullen. She blushed, she couldn't forget how good he had felt and smelled in her dream. She knew he probably didn't smell of feel like that, but it still made her blushed to think she may have dreamed it on her own.

"Cullen" she greeted "What brings you here so late at night?"

"Sorry for such a late call, but I only now got off duty and finished with all my reports."

"Oh its OK on the time, I am a night owl truth be told" and she laughed as he did too "But truly, what did you need?"

"I didn't really need something as so much I was asked, Bethany had been worried and since she could not leave to see you, she asked me if I would check on you for her"

She could of cried over his kindness, He was such a goodhearted  man. But before she could say anything else, Anders came out and put his hand on her shoulder, almost possessive of her.

"How kind of a Templar, considering his kind is why she is not even here. You should leave, especially if you expect us to believe your bull"

"Excuse me Anders, but..."

Hawke cut off Cullen and turned on Anders.

"I thought you were my friend Anders" she said quietly "I thought you cared, but if you treat my friends who I care about so poorly, it means you have no respect for me as a person. I think you should leave now"

"Hawke, you know you can't be alone tonight."

"I'll send Bodahn for Fenris or Sebastian. But you, you need to leave right now"

Anders tried to protest, but she refused to speak and she saw the hatred in his eyes as he walked past Cullen.

"I am sorry about that Hawke, I didn't mean to cause you any problems, truly and I don't want to cause any rifts between you and your Love...I mean friend" Cullen cleared his throat, he almost said lover. He felt his stomach turned, but some part of him wanted, no perhaps needed to know if she was involved with the Mage

Hawke laughed "Cullen, Anders and I are only friends. I don't exactly have the lifestyle that screams, lets get married, have kids and live quietly ever after" which was why she would always be alone she thought suddenly sad.

"Why was he spending the night if its not to personal, since you said he was not your, er, um boyfriend maybe?"

Hawke sighed, why not tell him at least he won't be shocked if she becomes a lunatic or something.

"Right before Mother died, I started having dreams and there is a voice that talks to me and taunts me as well. Recently it made me think I was awake only to find out I wasn't. It used my er desires um against me" watch what you say Hawke, remember it was about Cullen and you don't want to scare him away forever "sort of"

"At first they weren't to bad considering all the battles I have fought and Maker, the stuff I seen, but after Mother died, they have gotten, well worse and Bethany was staying with me, just encase, but she can't stay forever to watch over me, so I had asked Anders to and now that's not an option either"

"And its because of me, I am sorry Hawke, really I swear I am. I didn't mean to make him angry or even you put at risk. Maker's breath, I am sorry, I shouldn't of came myself and just sent a messenger to you"

Hawk walks closer Cullen and lightly touches his face

"Never consider yourself doing something wrong where I am concern by helping my sister. What little family I have left is precious to me. I know you well enough Cullen that you would of  never trusted something important enough for Bethany to have asked you to do this to a mere messenger. Not when there was a chance he could of messed it up or failed to deliver it. You would of been very angry had it happened and not just at the messenger, but at yourself as well. So it is not your fault Anders did what he did."

Maker, Cullen thought, she did know him very well. If what she suggested would of happened, then her response of what he would of done was right on the nose. While Hawke and him had become somewhat friends over the years, he was still impressed she could read how his reactions to a situation would be.

"Did I do something wrong Cullen? I don't mean to anger you or anything. I really..."

He held his fingers up to her lips to silence her.

"You could never do anything wrong where I am concerned Hawke. Never"

They stood there looking at each other for a moment not sure of what they should say next or if anything should be said at all. 

"Well I um should probably get back to the Barracks."

"Cullen..."

"Unless you would want me to stay "he blushed "I um don't mean, um well just to be here, um if you dream and don't want to be or, Andraste bloomers, I can't ever get anything said right I swear!"

"I would appreciate it if you did stay, but wouldn't you get in trouble not being there?"

"No, as long as I am there in time for my duties to start I will be OK, if you do want me to stay"

"I'll have Bodahn set up a place for you and Cullen, I do appreciate this so much you are a wonderful friend"

Cullen blushed at her words and smile. Hawke was such an amazing woman. She was outrageously beautiful but more important she had a heart like no one he had ever met before. Her compassion and morals made her someone worth lying down a life for and as Cullen stood there while watching her talk to the dwarf, he realized something else, he was falling in love with Hawke.

*****

_She was in the Fade again, running as normal, but this time she had no armor and no sword. She saw something that made her stop dead in her tracks. Cullen was nailed to a board hanging on a wall. His body was beaten and broken and he was barely moving. She rush towards him and looking at him up close, she gasped at the damage done to him._

_"Do you like my newest decoration?  Any man you love will be added to this wall. I'd add your sister too, but she is to sweet not to consume, but the men, they will suffer greatly. So show me who else besides the Templar who lives in your heart."_

_She was crying, trying to get him down. No this can't happen to Cullen, he suffered so much in his life already, she would not add to it. Then she felt the breath on her back and the voice in her ear._

_"He is in love with you, you know that don't you?  Him, the mage, prince and even that disgusting elf, all of them are in love with you and each one shall be added to the wall to suffer and as I slowly consume you, you will see them be torn into pieces before your eyes. You are my reward for all the work I have done and I will have you and more!"_

She was screaming. Crying and screaming. Next thing she knew someone was holding her. Jumping back she saw it was Cullen.

"Oh Maker, you're OK Cullen. I saw you on the wall suffering so much because I love you. It wants you to suffer because of me"

Cullen couldn't breath. She had said she loved him. Did she mean as a friend or more? Maker's breath he prayed for the latter one. He had never wanted someone in his life. Being a Templar and dedicating himself to it had been all he ever wanted in life. But after so many years of knowing her, he now desired something more, love marriage and children and as he held her he begged the Maker to forgive him because those things he wanted, he wanted with Hawke alone and no one else.

*****

Cullen was up and getting ready to leave. He had indulged himself by breaking the morning fast with her, but needed to get back to the barracks and be ready for the day. As he was leaving, he opened the door to Anders walking in.

"What are _you_ doing here?" Anders snarled

"None of your business Mage"

"Were you here all night?" Anders was getting uncontrollably angry at the Templar

"That would be between Hawke and myself and only us. Now unless you wish to come with me to the Gallows" Cullen stated with a sarcastic smile  "I need to leave"

Cullen chuckled to himself at the look on Anders face.

As Cullen walked to the harbor, he thought more about the nightmares Hawke was having. Part of him wanted to believe they were only dreams but they seemed to get more vivid and more brutal as time went by or at least it seemed by what she was telling him. If something was stalking her then they needed to figure out what it was and defeat it. He would not allow her to be hurt. He knew how he felt about her could never be revealed, but because he did love her no one or no thing would ever harm her as long as he lived, he swore it to himself.


	2. A Night to Remember

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hawke attends a Noble party and feels miserable being there, until she sees Cullen. She wants him as bad as he wants her, but both can't admit it to the other. They do however have a moment to confess their true feelings but it doesn't work out for them.
> 
> Hawke is also feeling the force in her dreams now when she is awake as well and it is starting to destroy her emotionally and is tearing down her resolve to fight.
> 
> This chapter is much shorter and is more about the relationship developing between Hawke and Cullen.

Hawke hated Noble parties and other BS, but as Kirkwall's so called Champion, she was expected to show for them. The only part she liked was it gave her an excuse to actually wear a dress and look somewhat "girly". This function was a bit better as Aveline and Donnic were there as well as her Sister since a few Mages form the circle were there to "entertain" the Nobles. They always chose Mages who were more quiet and timid since they were less likely to cause any problems. Meridith of course attended as well as her second in command Cullen.

Cullen was standing back against the wall hating every minute he was there. He detested such things and wished he wasn't expected to attend such, but he had no choice and had to be here. As he stood against the back wall, he noticed Bethany talking to a woman wearing a deep red dress and long black hair past her shoulders. She had an amazing body, or as much as he could see and had round hips and a tiny waist. She had the kind of body any man would want to feel in his hands and Cullen realized he was becoming a bit aroused watching her. He wanted to see who she was and was tempted to call to Bethany so that the woman might turn around too. Maker, to the void with caution, he walked over to Bethany so he could see the woman up close.

Cullen smiled at Bethany and as he turned to look at her companion and almost fell over. The woman he had been ogling was actually Hawke. He had only seen Hawke in armor and her house clothing that was a baggy oversize shirt with a skirt, She had shapely legs, but he really never saw her body till now. Maker she was breath taking! She smiled at him and he wanted to speak but couldn't find his voice.

"Hello Cullen, I am glad to see you, other than Bethany and you, I have no one to talk to as Aveline and her husband have yet to get here too. I detest these things and really could care less about these so called Noble people. I wouldn't of come at all if I hadn't heard Mages would perform and knew Bethany would be chosen. How are you enjoying it?"

Much better after seeing your gorgeous body Cullen thought. The top plunged low and it would take nothing for him to slide a hand into her dress and cup a full breast. She obviously wore a breast band at home, because she was much bigger than any time her ever saw her and boy was it making him hard and wanting. Thank the Maker his Templar armor hid a lot.

"I am g-glad to see you t-too." Maker he hadn't stuttered in years.

"Are you alright Cullen?" Hawke was a bit worried, he looked flush and almost had a tremor. She hoped he wasn't coming down with something. "Bethany is amazing at healing, perhaps she could get Meridith to allow her to look at you here?"

"No its, um fine, just these things make me n-nervous is all. I don't feel very c-comfortable here" which wasn't a complete lie

"Me too! Do I get a dance with you later?"

"Um I uh d-don't dance, Templars don't really need to be skilled at dancing" he chuckled.

"That's OK, I suck too, so we are well matched to dance and I will not take no for an answer either, the last dance of the night will be for us"

Bethany laughed and told him he best give in, no was not a acceptable answer for Hawke

******

Hawke was talking with Aveline and her husband Donnic, while Bethany helped with the stupid magic show for a bunch of twits that called themselves Nobles.

"You know Hawke, I realized you spend a good amount of time looking at Ser Cullen" Aveline noted.

"Just making sure he doesn't run before I get my dance and yes I can be an evil friend" she laughed

"Hmm just seems you are a bit into him lately, and in all the time I have known you, I have never seen you be quite as into a man as what I see with you and Cullen"

Hawke blushed. She really was a bit into Cullen. He was so kind and extremely handsome too, but she knew there was nothing there but friendship

"We are just good friends Aveline, not to mention you just watching me is kind of creepy"

Aveline and Donnic both laughed.

"Fine I will say nothing more"

"I knew you were a reasonable woman"

The music had started for the last dance of the night and Hawke watched as Cullen made his way to her. She smiled at him and was happy he would come to her instead of her ordering him to dance, which she would of done if it was the only way to get him to dance.

Before Cullen could get there however, Sebastian interrupted her vision of Cullen.

"I think this dance is mine Hawke" he gave her a proper bow

Looking over his back, Hawke saw Cullen look at her with a pained expression before turning and walking out of the room. Something deep in Hawke made her want to cry, but she wouldn't, she couldn't. She would never show others the pain she hid inside her. Just as her feelings were private, her pain would be too.

Sebastian was a wonderful dancer and it made it even worse for her. She kept her eyes down and just prayed the dance would end soon.

"I wanted you to know Hawke that I have decided to go back to Starkhaven and retake my lands and title"

"That is wonderful Sebastian, I think you will be a wonderful ruler"

"I also want to ask you, I mean, well I want you to come with me Hawke. I know I have never expressed my feelings, mostly because I felt I had nothing to offer you, but now, I would make you Princess of Starkhaven"

Hawke was stunned. Sure she had flirted a bit with him and all, but even he knew it was all in good fun. She thought hard and could think of nothing she might of done to give him any thought she was romantically interested in him.

"And by your silence, I believe it is a no, right?"

"I am so sorry Sebastian, if I ever led you on or..."

"No Hawke you didn't, and perhaps I should of made my feelings known sooner, I just felt until I had something to offer you...but I hope at least I will have your friendship?"

"Always Sebastian and if my sword is ever needed, I will come to your call"

The dance ended and Sebastian made a final bow and left. Within a few minutes Bethany came running up to her and asked about her dancing with Sebastian. Hawke told her what was said.

"Like always all the men want you Hawke" Bethany gigled

"Except the one I want, uh I mean, um...." Hawke suddenly looked at the floor

"Sister, you need to tell Cullen how you feel"

"What do I say? I fell in love with you 6 yrs ago and a few years back I slept with another man trying to forget you, but that didn't workout, so hey yeah I love you?"

"Well not like _that_ goof. But you need to tell him."

"I can never do that Bethany and you know it" Hawke was close to tears again. Between the damn nightmares, lack of sleep and still upset over Cullen, she felt herself unraveling fast.

"I love you, but I need to get out of here now" she gave her sister a quick kiss on the cheek and ran for the door.

******

Hawke was walking home when she felt it. Something was grabbing her shoulder and pulling her, but when she spun around and looked there was nothing. Damnation, she was in a damn dress and with no sword. She should of worn her damn armor, after all she spent time finding the dress and making herself look nice hadn't mattered in the end anyway. She was hoping to entice Cullen and make him want her as much as she wanted him, but it was pointless. What she felt for him was not returned. She cried again, and felt something behind her again too. Turning to the night sky, she looked about and said "Take me, I have nothing left to live for anymore"

She made her way to her house and couldn't shake the feeling something was following her, but finally didn't care anymore. I am tired of being hurt and in pain, tired of the responsibility of this damn town that had been thrust on her shoulders.

She slowly walked in her home through the foyer and into the front waiting area. Looking down and not paying attention she almost ran into the body that had just stood up from the bench where he waited. Seeing him however she jumped back and squeaked as she realized it was Cullen.

"I'm so sorry Hawke, I didn't mean to scare you. Wait have you been crying? What happened?" He lifted her chin up so they were eye to eye.

"I-I don't k-know Cullen, I j-just feel so alone, I d-don't know if I c-care if I live or n-not." She was shaking

"Demetria" Maker she loved how his voice sounded while saying her name "You are the bravest, most amazing woman I have ever met. The world would suffer without you in it." He paused and lightly brushed his lips over hers and whispered " And I would suffer greatly without you, no I wouldn't just suffer, I wouldn't want to live in a world with you gone. That world would be a dark place"

They looked at each other for a few moments. The heat and desire passing back and forth between them made her hot all over. Maker she wanted him desperately.

Cullen felt desire pool within him. Even though the kiss had been quick and light, he now wanted it to be deeper and more passionate, he wanted to devour her. But he knew that it wasn't right and he was dedicated to the Order. While Templar's could get permission to wed, Hawke herself said she would never marry or settle down and that would be what he wanted. No it was better to want in silence than to act and loose her completely.

"I am or um I need, y-yes, I n-need to go. I uh am sorry Hawke, but I uh need to leave. Now" he stumbled around his words once more.

"I understand and its ar...I mean well, never mind what I meant, goodnight Cullen"

He watched her turn and run upstairs, not even giving him a chance to respond. He knew he had hurt her but he also knew it was for the best. Better Hawke be disappointed in him as a friend, then for him to break her heart as a lover. Turning to leave, he told himself this was right, this was how it had to be, but deep inside he felt something shattering inside his heart. Shattering that left him aching to the point he felt like he was drowning.

Stepping outside, Cullen took the tips of his fingers and wiped the tears from his eyes.


	3. The Wicked Will Come

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hawke's dreams are getting worse and she finds a clue to follow up on trying to find the source of the dreams. Demons invade her home and she is scarred horribly, both inside and out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has some some detailed blood and gore at the beginning, please do not read if such bothers you.

_So close little girl, so close indeed. You will be a prize worth all the wait. Run all you wish, nowhere can you hide, for I see all. Do you wonder who gave you to me?  Who brought me out of my slumber? Perhaps I should tell you who betrayed you, but not yet I think. Instead let me send you a gift. Something to prepare you for what is coming? Wake up, wake up little girl, my gift has arrived._

Hawke shot up out of bed and heard the scream. Orana, it was Orana screaming. Hawke jumped out of bed and grabbed her sword as she ran. Please do not allow Orana to be hurt, she thought, the girl has known enough pain in her life.

Hawke ran into the servants quarters and heard Sandal saying boom. Both Sandal and Bodahn running out as she was trying to get in.

"Mistress Hawke, no you can't help her, don't go in!" Bodahn tried to stop her.

"No, both you go get Aveline. Now, hurry" Hawke went in and shut the door behind her.

She could no longer hear any screaming. Please don't let her be dead she thought again. Please, Maker don't let her die because of me.

Hawke went into the sleep quarters and never had she seen anything so horrible. Demons, strange green demons were holding Orana's limp body, while another and slit her from belly to throat and was reaching into her. It pulled out clumps of tissues, organs and bones as it fed on her. She watched as the girl was disemboweled. Watched as the horror in front of her continued to play out.

Hawke was crying, Maker please make this another dream. Please please please. But either the Maker did not hear her or refused to answer her as she knew in her gut it was real. Anger breaking through the pain, she lunged at the Demon with a scream of her own.

The Demon that had been feeding turned as he heard her battle cry. Blood and tissue hanging between its jagged teeth. Hawke jumped and buried her sword in its head and twisted the blade which twisted the head to the point she heard the neck snap. The other two rushed forward. What kind of Demons were these she wondered. Never had she seen anything so vile.

Hawke knew one must keep their head clear in battle, but the sight of what she had seen and the questions running in he head were causing her to make mistakes, mistakes that allowed one to run her through with a large spiked claw. She slumped to the ground holding her side and then she heard it.

_So soon little girl? I thought to play longer, but I won't complain. After the sweetness of your Elf, you will be a wonderful meal. Here I come._

"Hawke!"

Hawke heard someone's voice. Who yelled? She was having a hard time focusing and keeping her eyes open. She saw a woman, who was it? Her eyes felt so heavy. Sleep, that's what the Demon wanted and Hawke could no longer deny it.

******

Hawke opened her eyes slowly. Was she dead? No if she was dead the Demon would be there consuming her. She felt no pain and saw bright light, not any of the things a Demon would have or do. She tried to sit up.

"Easy Hawke, you been torn up pretty bad"

Who was talking? It was a female voice, light airy. She looked at the person coming into view, thin with pointed ears.

"Orana?" Hawke asked

"No Hawke, Orana is dead, I am so sorry"

Merrill, that who was talking. Not Orana, no Orana was dead. Ripped to shreds. Hawke started to cry.

The door opened and everyone came in. She found out that Bodahn had went to Aveline's house first and while her and Donnic went to Hawke's home, she told him to get the others. Now everyone was there.

"Where am I?" Hawke asked with a sniffle

"In our home" Aveline answered.

"No, you have to get me out of here, it will send more Demons and I can't, I can't have..." she was crying again.

"I think the best place for Hawke right now is the Gallows"

Who said that?

"Cullen, you can't be serious" it was Ander's voice and he was angry

"Of course I am. Templar's can protect her from magick and demons better than anyone else and she would have access to Bethany too, which will help her mental state too"

Cullen, she wanted to smile, but couldn't.

"And where would you put her, in a prison cell next to Bethany?" Ander's shouted at him

"I will give her my quarters which is more than big enough and I will sleep in the barracks. Plus, while I do have my...concerns about the Knight Commander, she will be more than happy to let Templar's guard her around the clock at the chance of killing Demons. I normally wouldn't do such, but Meridith has become, determined, about ridding Kirkwall of Demons."

"Say what you will Anders, Cullen is right. The Gallows is the safest place for Hawke and Meridith would do exactly what Cullen said if it meant hunting Demons"

"I know Demons, I can protect her" Anders protested.

"You mean you _are_ a demon" Fenris said "You and that thing inside you could put her at even more risk"

"With what happened tonight, you would be the worse choice" Sebastian added

Hawke groaned "Please stop fighting, its making my head hurt"

"Where do you think you should stay Hawke?" Merrill asked

Hawke thought about what was said. Maker forgive her but she knew where she wanted to be. She shouldn't even be thinking what she was, but before she could stop herself she blurted out

"Cullen's quarters, I mean the Gallows" Hawke blushed and saw everyone look at her

"Then its settled. We need to go to her home and get her things she will need and then take her to the Gallows"

"Wait until morning, then Hawke will be up to going too as she will know what she needs for her stay"

Hawke nodded. She was so tired but scared to sleep. She was actually scared. When was the last time she had been scared to sleep? As a child?

"I'll sit with Hawke so she can rest, the rest of you can go home. We'll go to Hawke's estate in the afternoon and you can meet us there." Aveline ordered.

Hawke smiled, no one contradicted Aveline.

"I will get my items I need out of my room and then also talk to Meridith. I know she will agree. When ready, bring her to the Gallows and I will be at my typical post and can escort her to my rooms. I'll also see if I can get Meridith to let Bethany stay with Hawke. It would give her some comfort too."

Cullen. Hawke sighed. She knew she was in love with him. His voice made her heart feel lighter and as horrible as it was, she would not deny that the idea of sleeping in his bed thrilled her. He wouldn't be in it, but it would have his scent. She would feel his blankets caressing her body....stop it, she told herself. Stop, this was no time to start thinking like a dog in heat.

"What about Loki?" she asked

"He can stay with me and I'll take him to the barracks" Aveline told her "Your Mabari loves going to the barracks" she added with a wicked grin.

"Then its settled. We meet at Hawke's in a few hours and then get her to the Gallows"

Hawke felt so tired, she tried to keep her eyes open.

Aveline grabbed her hand, and smiled "Don't worry Hawke, you're not alone"

******

The Gallows. Hawke never thought she would ever be staying here. Meridith had been more than happy to let Hawke stay here. She wasn't surprised, Hawke was not only Champion of Kirkwall but was also one of the few who still supported her openly. Helping the Champion would be seen in a generous and compassionate light by the people of Kirkwall. Hawke may not be the most intelligent woman in the world, but it didn't take much to figure out Meridith's motivations in this.

Aveline and Fenris had escorted Hawke to meet Cullen. Ander's was still steaming mad about her coming here, which she understood how he felt about the Gallows, but she couldn't understand why he was so angry at her for coming here.

Hawke looked to Cullen's usual spot and smiled. Bethany was beside him. Running to Bethany, Hawke hugged her and cried on her shoulder.

"Its OK Sister" Bethany told her "You will be safe here. I promise you"

"Oh Bethany, I feel so lost and I can't get it out of my mind what happened to Or...last night"

"Don't worry, Cullen will make sure you're protected and then we will find out who is doing this and Aveline will kick their ass"

They all laughed and Donnic added a few comments about his War Goddess of a wife.

Laughter felt good right now, really good.

Cullen led Hawke and Bethany to his chambers. The first room was a small study with a desk facing the door. The walls were lined with bookcases and more books that she ever saw in one spot. They cases were floor to ceiling and in the corners of the room, there were books stacked up in columns on the floor too. There was a small sideboard with wine and glasses on it and a small table with two chairs. The was also a small fireplace and another door. The door led to a small bedroom. There was a large bed, that made Hawke's cheeks color at the thought of it being big enough for two people, two trunks for clothing, an armor stand and a small dresser that had a bowl and pitcher for washing, another bottle of wine with matching glasses and a platter with several large candles on it. There was also a small door leading to a private privy and had a large wooden tub in it too for bathing.

Hawke was surprised. While she knew Cullen was Knight Captain, she didn't expect him to have private rooms so large.

"You can do whatever you wish Hawke. I will need to use my office to go through any letters and responses as needed and to write up reports, but outside of that they are all yours. I usually don't work on things until after the night meal, which I normally have delivered here. If you don't mind, I can have it still delivered but for both of us and then finish my work before heading to the barracks."

"That sounds fine Cullen, I don't want to put you out or anything."

Cullen watched Hawke smile. Maker's Breath she was a beautiful woman. He knew he was always thinking that, but still, it always amazed him with how beautiful she really was. Since the night of the party, she had started leaving her hair down and loose. He loved that she did, except it made him want to run his hands through it and bury his face and inhale her scent.

Bethany looked at both Hawke and Cullen. She saw how they looked at each other without trying to make it look like they were. They were so very much in love with each other. She couldn't figure out what the problem was in them admitting it. She smiled to herself and thought maybe with her staying here, Cullen and her would acted on their feelings. Bethany looked at Cullen, her Sister was crazy. If Bethany had a man as lovely looking as Cullen in love with her, well she would want to spend every minute she could in bed with him.

Cullen cleared his throat "I should um, I need to go.Yes. Please make yourself comfortable Hawke and Bethany can stay until night, Night meal is at 6pm sharp, so I will see you then"

Hawke watched Cullen leave. She couldn't deny she wanted him worse than anything she had ever wanted in her life. The brief kiss he gave her the night of the Noble party had made her ache constantly to try another one, only longer and more sensual. She let out a slight moan, she wanted him with her whole being.

"So Sister" Bethany's voice jerked Hawke back to reality.

"What? You were going to say something?"

"I swear Sister, if you do not make a move on that man while you're here I will throttle you. You deserve some happiness in your life. You both are completely in love with each other too, why do you not do anything? Cullen is an amazing man. He is perfect for you"

Hawke blushed and asked Bethany to help her settle her stuff in.

"Fine, don't listen to me" Bethany laughed "But try to deny that a part of you is already excited to be sleeping in his bed for a few weeks"

Hawke groaned and then looked at the door to his bedchamber. Her Sister was right, she was very excited to sleep in it and a small part of her prayed that at some point he would also join her there too.


	4. And the Terror Begins

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hawke is settled at the Gallows and enjoys dinner with Cullen and yeah more...
> 
> Finally her dreams point her in the direction of who is after her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> includes detailed sexual encounters

Bethany stayed with Hawke until Cullen arrived with dinner. Both Hawke and Cullen tried to get her to stay but suddenly Bethany was "tired". Hawke made a mental note to kick her Sister in the butt tomorrow.

Hawke wasn't sure what to expect for dinner fixed in the Gallows, but she had to admit she was surprised when Cullen let the servants in to serve and saw what they brought. There was a platter with a small pink ham with a sweet sauce, a small bowl of baby carrots and peas, steamed in a white wine, a basket with several kinds of bread, a large chunk of a hard cheese and a small dish with a type of Brie, runny and tart, a crock of honey and sweet butter and a dish of pears and small apples, sliced and sprinkled with cinnamon and nutmeg. There was also a pitcher of a dark strong ale and a rich cider. Once the servants left Cullen handed her a small white box, inside she found the pastries they always served during the Viscount's gatherings that Hawke loved. They were stuffed with a fluffy cream and rolled in a powder sugar. She couldn't help but squeal which brought a chuckle from Cullen.

"How did you get these?" she asked as she sat down

"Aveline. I asked her today when I had to deliver some documents and she went to the kitchens and sneaked me a few. I knew you would be fairly down tonight, and I thought it might, um well I had hoped it would make you smile" he could feel his cheeks get faintly warm.

Hawke smiled. Cullen was almost to good. She never had known anyone who was as kind as he was.

"Thank you Cullen, it is, well it's very sweet" She blushed, and decided to change the subject a bit "So how is it you get such amazing meals here. I only ate like this when I had dinner guest"

"As much as I wished I ate like this all the time, I went to the kitchens and requested it. Normally I eat oatcakes, bread, cheese, a bit of fruit and cider at night, but I didn't think you would care for that."

"You should see what I eat at home. Usually anything I can grab and carry. Most nights I come home to exhausted that if it wasn't for Orana I would probably..I would..." and she started crying. Orana, dead because of her.

Cullen jumped up and went to Hawke and pulled her into his arms.

"It's going to be OK Hawke. I don't know how, but I swear I will find out who is doing this and stop them"

Hawke turned her face into Cullen's neck. He smelled spicy and masculine and she loved it. He smelled so good, she wanted nothing more than to lick his neck and see if his taste matched his scent. But before she could he pulled away,

"Uh, we should probably, well we should eat, I normally don't eat like this so I want to try it while it is warm" he chuckled.

They sat and ate and chatted about trivial things. They also talked about Bethany and she found out Cullen was watching over her as closely as possible. He told her that some of the Templars were not as dedicated to protecting and watching over the safety of Mages here as they should be and Bethany was to quiet and demur to be around such questionable people. He didn't want to see her hurt. He also told her she reminded him of his middle Sister who was very quiet too. Mia, the eldest had always spoken for both of them and as a result, she was very quiet and a bit sheltered. They continued to talk about family and Hawke learned much about his. She also learned he liked to play chess and it was obvious he read a lot. She also found that Cullen had a very wicked sense of humor once he relaxed some.

As they finished their meal and he stepped out to get a servant to remove the dishes, Hawke also realized she was not just charmed by him, she was falling deeply in love with him. She always told everyone she never wanted to marry, she lived a lifestyle that didn't allow for spouses and children, but she knew it was a lie to cover the fact she wanted it desperately, but she always thought she could never find someone to have such with. But even if he felt the same, would Cullen fit her life and how would she fit his? He was a Templar and it was obvious magic ran strong in her family. Would he want a woman who could possibly have mage children? She sighed, why even think about it. She most likely wouldn't live long enough to ever get to that point anyway.

After the dishes were cleared, Cullen said he had work to do and Hawke told him she was tired anyway. He told her to go ahead and go to sleep, he wouldn't make much noise. She thanked him and went to change.

******

Cullen could hear Hawke restlessly rolling about in his bed. He tried very hard not to think about it, but the more he told himself not to think about it, the more he seemed to do. He couldn't stop himself from wondering what she wore to bed. Would she dare to wear nothing? Even if she wore something, she was still laying in his sheets, they were caressing her body. Her scent would be on them. The fresh scent of some type of flowers he thought. It was so exotic to him, but suited her so well. She was quiet finally, hopefully she was asleep. He saw the purple rings under her eyes and it worried him. How much sleep was she getting? They had to find out who was doing this soon. Hawke was a strong woman, but no one could go forever like this and come out OK.

Cullen went to work on his reports. He swore if someone held up a hand in Kirkwall someone was going to yell bloodmage and then someone would report it and then he would have to read it, assess it and then decide if it should be investigated and Meridith always wanted everything investigated. He knew why he left Ferelden and seven years ago he wanted to be here hunting mages and punishing them for even being born, but after the hate left him, after seeing mages branded over nothing, after meeting people like Bethany, timid and scared and just trying to find peace, he had changed. He saw how Kirkwall was falling apart, there had to be a better solution.

Tired he pushed back from his desk. He should go to the barracks and get some sleep but he has many more reports to go through. Cullen looks around the room, maybe he will prop up his feet and take a nap. Yawning, he hurriedly took off his armor and stripped to his tunic and leather breeches.

******

 _So you think you can hide from me? Hubris is my favorite mortal sin_. _Your Templar is close, he wants to protect you but you saw his fate, he will die like all the others and you will know you were the one to seal their fates. Your cousin once thought she could face my kin and she was marked for it and your family blood draws us to you. You were promised and you will be taken. I have seen the past, I have seen the future as I see now and there is one that forms alone and I will deliver yes I will._

_Hawke is running again. Something is behind her yelling for the death of "The Amell and The Hawke"_

_Two have died and ones remains, but when those are gone, yet one will come out and take them all. Give me form with your fears little girl, I shall get from you the power to bring them all back....laughter, she hears so much laughter...._

_******_

Hawke is screaming. No she screams, no no no. Someone comes running in the room, she stares, its Cullen and he has his sword. She sees him look around and then he stares at her. Why is he staring? Then she looks down. She blushes. Maker she only had a think silk and lace shift on, that barely covers her chest with its thin straps, one already off her shoulder.

Cullen felt like he couldn't breathe. She was barely dressed. He finally saw most of her body and his mouth watered. He couldn't deny it anymore, he wanted Hawke, he needed her.

Hawke watched as Cullen shrugged off his tunic and she shivered. She wanted him more than anything. She had to have him and finally she would. She watched as he climbed onto the large bed and came to her on his hands and knees. Slowly like a predator he crawled up her body as Hawke laid back down. She could feel the heat from his body, parallel to her own, yet he did not lay down which left their skin untouched as he stayed up on his hands. She looked down his chest and noticed the the bulge in the tight leathers he wore. Hawke suddenly felt like she couldn't breathe.

"Hawke...tell me, tell me if you want me, I would never push you...." he whispered as he stared into her eyes.

"Cullen.." oh to the void, she grabbed him and kissed him hard. 

Cullen couldn't believe her taste and moaned into her mouth. The brief kiss he gave her at her house was nothing to this. She licked his tongue, licked his lips and slowly began to suck on his tongue. Then he felt her hands pull his hips down as she separated her legs and let him settle between her thighs. They both moaned as his hard erection slid against her core. 

"Oh Cullen" she moaned "I can't hide it anymore, I love you!"

Cullen felt like he couldn't breathe. She loved him, he wanted to shout, she loves me, she loves me like some child with his first crush. Instead he kissed her tenderly and told her he loved her as well.

Hawk was suddenly impatient pushed him back to slip out of his embraced. Cullen started to ask what was wrong and she smiled and dropped her gown to the floor. Cullen thought he would die right then and there. She was the body of a Goddess. Slim,yet muscular, graceful limbs and curves in all the right places. While he loved her for more than her body, Cullen admitted he had never seen a more beautiful woman. Her body could tempt a Saint.

Rolling Cullen gently over on the bed she smiled and began pulling his leather pants off. Once she had him naked she paused to look at his lovely body. If she didn't desire him before, she surely did now. Leaning forward she kissed his belly bringing a moan from his lips. Cullen couldn't think of anything better until Hawke took him in her mouth. Slowly she stroked his length, sucking hard upon his ruby head before sliding back down again. She took him to his hilt and he thought he would explode from this alone, Maker she felt like heaven.While he could of stayed like this forever, he knew if he tried he would end up spilling in her mouth which he didn't want.

"Demetria, you have to stop or I won't be able to, well um, you know"

She smiled as she slowly lifted her head and crawled up his body. He knew he should ask one thing before they continued.

"Are you, I mean have you ever, well you know" he flustered.

"I have briefly known 2 men in my life and both were many years ago and only once with each." she blushed

"I have only known one other woman, briefly. I.."

"Cullen" she placed her fingers over his lips "it doesn't matter who we once knew, its only we are together now"

 She was right he thought. Leaning up to kiss her he wrapped his arms around her and rolled over with her so he could be on top.

"I have been dreaming of this for over seven years Love, let me show you how much I have desired you all these years"

He slowly slid himself into her warm and wet body. Both of them groaned as he buried himself as deep as he could. Slowly he slid out and back in again. He was going to drive her crazy with his slow strokes.

Hawke whimpered "Cullen your driving me crazy, please, stop going so slow"

He grinned and began to increase his rhythm.Instantly she felt the building of pressure in her nethers. Maker he felt good. He was so hard, long and wide, Maker he was well endowed she thought. But he fit her perfect. Large enough to feel snug within her, yet not so big he would hurt. She couldn't get enough of him, she wanted it to last forever.

Cullen was panting in pleasure. She held him so tight and she was dripping wetness that made him want to get deeper into her. Why couldn't he get deep enough? He could feel her body shake as small tremors ran through her. He watched as she rolled her head back and closed her eyes. She lifted her legs and wrapped them around his hips, urging him deeper and harder.

He bent his head and licked her throat. Maker she did taste as amazing as she smelled.  He kissed her ear, nibbled on her ear and then worked his way down. Leaning up some he bowed his head and took a hard sensitive nipple in his mouth and drew upon it with a frenzy. She felt so good, he wanted more, but could feel her almost peaking and he knew once she did it would push him over the edge.

Suddenly he withdrew, but before she could whimper, he slid her to the edge of the bed and drew her down on him. Putting one leg over his arm, he was able to get even deeper.

She arched her back and moaned wildly. She got louder and louder and Cullen pounded her harder with each moan she let escape her lips. He was wild between her legs and she couldn't think anyone would ever be able to compare to him. Maker please let him stay with me. I have never felt so right with anyone. Then the wave reached its peak, Hawke screamed in ecstasy and arched her back off his bed.

Cullen ground his teeth as he felt her squeezing him hard as she found her release. He couldn't hold back and released himself deep within her body. Never had he felt anything like this before. She was amazing.

She sat up and kissed him, lovingly slow kisses. Cullen felt something inside him break. He pulled her to her feet and slid down to his knees as he held her with his head resting against his belly. Hawke ran her fingers through his blonde curls.

"I stand in awl of you Milady. I would swear my life to you and you alone" he kissed her belly lightly and slight rubbed his nose as well on her soft flawless skin.

"Oh Cullen" she pulled him to his feet "I don't know what to do or even what will come next, but I would have by my side forever, I love you so much!"

They kissed again, slowly caressing her body as she did the same for him.

"Lets try to get some more sleep" he told her

"Will you, um get in trouble? I would want to cause you problems Cullen, it would break my heart if you did"

"I will be OK and tomorrow I intend to inform Meridith I am courting you. Templars are free to date and even marry with the order's permission."

She saw his smile and thought about what he said and the fact he would do so much to make it so they could be together. This was her chance to have something real in her life, something wonderful. Suddenly she was a silent tear slip down her cheek.

Reaching out Cullen wiped it and asked her what was wrong.

"I was just thinking how proud my Mother would be to have you courting me. She always liked you and would of shown off any chance she had to tell my suitor was the Knight Captain. Out of all the men in my life, she loved you the best"

"I am sorry I never got to know her well, but what I did know of her Leandra was very kind to me. You know the first time I got to really talk to her she told me how the Hero of Ferelden was a relative of yours." Cullen suddenly went pale as he thought about what he just said.

Hawke noticed and asked him what was wrong as he looked a bit sheepish. She asked what was wrong.

Taking a deep breath, Cullen told her he knew her and they had a bit of a thing.

"It wasn't serious, she was a charge of mine, so nothing could ever really come of it, of course then she was recruited into the Wardens too. But at the time, I well, I kind of thought I loved her, it was a childish kid type of love, not what a man acts and feels when he loves someone." He held his breath. Admitting this, he had told her that he had a fling with her own cousin, would that be enough for her to not want him? Maker he prayed it wasn't.

Hawke smiled as she saw the fear in his eyes.

"I guess you have a weakness for Amell women Cullen, should I worry about Bethany?" she winked and kissed him.

Cullen let out a sigh of relief. She wasn't angry.

Suddenly Hawke jumped and told him she remembered something from the last dream.

"The voice said my cousin, Ishari, went up against his kin and it marked us all. If I find Ishari she might be able to tell me who she fought and how to stop them"

Cullen hugged her "Thank the Maker! Yes we do need to find her then, she can help you and I can finally apologize for how cruel I was to her when she saved my life during the Blight"

They climbed in bed together and she snuggled into his arms. Cullen was wrapped around her completely and for the first time since her Mother died, she felt safe.

Cullen nuzzled her ear and told her he loved her which she quickly returned the same to him.


	5. The Search Begins

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cullen and Hawke establish their relationship and deal with some of Hawke's companions do not take it very well. They also start the process of trying to find Hawke's cousin Warden Commander Ishari Amell.  
> Cullen also sees a report matching the description of the demons that killed Orana and they go to the area to see what they can find and see if there are more clues to what was hunting Hawke

Hawke woke up to light kisses on her neck and shoulder. Slowly opening her eyes she saw Cullen smiling at her. Maker was the man handsome, his warm eyes glowed with his love and Hawke felt like she could cry with how happy she was. In fact, waking up in his arms was one of the happiest days in Hawke's life. Feeling him there and knowing he was there to stay made her think for the first time since this started that she could best this demon and win.

"Good morning love" Cullen told her before kissing her slowly, savoring the taste of her lips. He would never tire of kissing her he thought.

"Yes it is a good morning" she smiled "can I request waking up like this every morning?"

"I think I could handle that"

He started kissing her again, letting his kisses become more hungry. He couldn't believe how quickly he became aroused by just s few kisses, but she seemed to make it happen very quickly. He wondered if it would always be like this or was it just because they only were just starting their relationship? He decided he didn't care, he just wanted to have her lovely body once more.

She laughed when she felt him rubbing himself against her thigh and laughed more when she teased him about it too.

"What can I say? You have bewitched me"

Rolling with her, he gently pulled her on top of him and smiled as she sat up and rubbed herself against his hard shaft. He grabbed her hips and slipped himself into her quickly.

"Impatient are we?" she teased

"For you? Yes. You are breathtaking in the morning Demetria. I look forward to waking up with you in my arms forever"

Slowly she rocked against him, just enjoying him being there. No burning desire to consume each other with passion like the night before. No right now was about love and sharing. A physical promise made to each other to stay together. She watched him as he slowly slid his hands up her hips and then to her breasts. He lightly squeezed them and then tugged on her nipples producing a moan from her throat. Sitting up, he captured one of her nipples in his mouth, sucking strongly on causing her to thrust faster against him as her desires rose. She could feel his hands drop to her hips and urge her on. Hawke tilted her head back and moaned, Maker he turned her on. Needing more, Cullen pulled her against him and rolled her onto her back. Pushing her legs up and giving him deeper access he began to drive himself in her harder and faster than the stroke before.

Hawke couldn't believe what an exciting and talented lover he was. Cullen always seemed a bit timid and somewhat shy but she would of never guessed such what a passionate man he was inside. He was riding her hard and soon she felt the tremors running through her body, he certainly could play her body well. He seemed to be able to stroke the right spot, stimulate the right area and force her into a state of bliss she never would of thought possible.

Maker he loved making love to her. Her body felt perfect to him. Felt like she had been made for him alone to have. If he desired her before, now knowing her, he craved her as much as he did the air he breathed. Between the sounds she made, the scent of her magnificent body or the taste of her in his mouth, she stimulated him to the core of his very soul.

He felt her tremble as she moaned and knew she was on the verge of peaking. He wanted to be deeper, wanted to have her completely wrapped around her, to be consumed by her passion.

"Demetria" he moaned in her ear "how I have desired you. Since the day I first saw you, you have consumed by heart and desire. And now that I have you, I will never be parted from you again. I love you more than words could ever convey"

"Oh Cullen" she was going to say more but just then he hit a spot that pushed her over the edge and she felt herself tumble into a state of pure bliss.

Cullen couldn't hold back as she squeezed him tightly. Grunting, he let loose his passion into her magnificent body.

After they both floated back to their senses, Cullen gathered her into his arms and told her he loved her.

So engrossed into each other, they never heard the door open until they heard a squeak and saw Bethany standing in the door way. Cursing, Cullen grabbed the blanket and threw it over them. Bethany blushed and hurried out of the room, shutting the door behind her.

Cullen laughed and told her that was not how he planned to let her know they were going to be together. Hawke giggled and told him to let her up so she could dress and go speak to her Sister. Cullen laughed and said he would go to Meridith and inform her of their relationship change while she spoke with Bethany.

It didn't take long for them both to dress and emerge from the room. Cullen said a quick Hi to Bethany and then blushing he left the two Sisters to talk.

"You are such a lucky dog" Bethany laughed "So how is the lovely Knight Captain?"

"Oh you have no idea Bethany, he is more than amazing. He is going to Meridith so inform her so that he can openly court me and one day marry as well."

Bethany had tears as she hugged her sister happy for both of them.

"Mother would of been so proud of you, she would of told everyone that her daughter would one day be marrying the city's Knight Captain. I could picture it now and once you were close to marrying, she would of been beside herself in happiness"

"I wish she could seen it" Hawke said sadly "but I am glad you are here with me and I can share it with you Sister"

The girls hugged and then Hawke told Bethany about her dream and what she found out

******

Cullen walked back to his rooms, happy yet worried as well. Meridith was quick to sanction his relationship with Hawke, although he imagined she would use such a tie to Hawke as a force of the Champion truly on the Templars side in all this. However he really didn't care what her reasons were, only that he was open to be with Hawke and one day marry her too.

He was however a bit worried as he carried the report given to him by Meridith on a village to the North that had reported Demons that matched the description of the ones Hawke saw and fought in her home. He had been given the task of investigating it as they had appealed to Kirkwall's Templars for help. He would of course take Hawke with him and would ask her friends for help as well. They needed more leads so that when they did find Warden Command Amell, they would be able to get to the bottom of this faster.

Cullen thought more on the Warden. While he had not lied to Hawke, his relationship with Ishari Amell had been a bit more intense then what he said. They had shared many embraces and kisses and while they never actually had sex, they had played with each other quiet a bit. She had pledged herself to him and told her there would never be anyone but him in her heart, yet she had been involved with her fellow warden Alistair. It was common knowledge that once he had become King of Ferelden, Ishari was his Mistress and lived openly with him. Since her being a Mage kept them from marrying, they were openly as together as a husband and wife would be. In fact some thought it was rather shocking they shared a room together as if she were his wife. Many speculated that eventually King Alistair would indeed marry his Mage lover. Part of him had been angry when he found it all out, but another part of him was not surprised Alistair was so very much in love with her. She was an easy woman to love. He had spent sometime angry and telling himself he was heartbroken over her, but the truth was he just didn't want to admit that they really weren't as close as he had pretended to be. He wanted to think they were in love just because he had reached a point in his life that he wanted love and possibly even marriage. Ishari and him had been friends for many years and it was only natural she would be the one whom he would think of in that role. However after coming here and meeting Hawke and falling for her over the years and especially after being with her now he realized Ishari had been a kids fantasy, but with Hawke it was real. She was real and she was his. He couldn't believe after all these years of knowing her and falling in love with her all those years ago that she was now actually his.

Cullen turned a bit red as he walked into his room and saw Bethany and Hawke sitting at the small table breaking their morning fast. His stomach growled at the scent of food and without asking he pulled Hawke from her chair and sat down while pulling her onto his lap to sit. Hawke giggled and teased him about how she thought she had been on top of him enough already, but obviously he needed more. He blushed even more as Bethany giggled too. Cullen groaned and all three of them laughed and continued to eat.

While they ate, Cullen filled Hawke in on what Meridith said on their courtship and also the report on the Demons. Before they discussed the report, Hawke kissed him and told him she was half afraid she would of denied him. She thought Meridith would not have been so compassionate to understand their need to be together. Cullen however told her that he expected the reason she had allowed it was to show the city of Kirkwall how closely bound to the order the Champion was. While Hawke was not surprised she would do something like that, she would make a point of making sure people saw it as completely a love match.

Bethany watched her Sister and Cullen as they spoke. She saw the adoring looks Cullen gave her and the light and loving touches Hawke did to him. How easy they smiled the moment their eyes met and most of all how much her sister glowed with his love. It almost was to much to watch, not because she thought anything negative, but because it was the open love between them was so strong it almost was to emotional to be able to watch. She always knew they had feelings for each other and she was happy that they finally shared them and were together. Demetria had so much pain in her life and she was happy she finally found something so good, no, not good, this was something amazing and could think of no one who deserve it more than her big Sister.

"Meridith wants us to leave today to investigate what happened. With the stories of new demons showing up, demons no one had ever seen before, Meridith is concerned." While Cullen could care less on Meridith's motivations he was just glad she wanted them to go, because he would of went no matter what. He would not allow more innocents like Orana, to be caught by these creatures. No one else would die, he swore to himself.

"Who else are you taking with you?" Bethany asked

"I am not sure, what about you love?" Cullen

"How do you plan on telling Anders and Fenris about you and Cullen?" Bethany questioned her Sister

"What do you mean? I mean I understand Anders doesn't care for me since I am a Templar, but why would Fenris care?"

Hawke cringed, this was a conversation she was hoping not to have with him right away and not this early in their relationship. She shot Bethany an annoyed look and Bethany wished she had kept her mouth shut on the subject.

"I think I should leave for now" Bethany said as she stood up "let me know before you leave" and she was quickly out the door.

Hawke took a deep breath. Would this ruin things between them she wondered and she said a silent prayer it wouldn't. While she didn't think he would care about past lovers on a whole, as he had one too, the fact that hers were sometimes daily companions might be a bit different. Taking a deep breath, she spoke.

"Remember how we talked about past lovers? Well, my two were Anders and Fenris."

"I see" he said

"After we came back from the deep roads and you were there to take Bethany to the circle, I was a mess. I felt like I failed her and my Mother by allowing her to be taken" she saw Cullen cringe a bit "and one night I was drinking and crying with Anders and I don't even know why it happened, but we ended up sleeping together. He had told me that he was in love with me, but afterwards when he wanted us to be together, I told him I just didn't feel like that with him. For awhile he wouldn't speak to me, but eventually he understood"

"and Fenris?"

"It wasn't long after that, we were outside of Kirkwall and Tevinter slavers had found him and we were forced to fight our way out. We found out then that one of the Magisters was in Kirkwall whom he knew and we went after her. She told him some things that really hurt him about who he was before and his family too. He was so upset he took off. So later when I got back home he was waiting for me and we spoke and then we kissed and well yeah, you get the idea. But afterward he left and told me he didn't want me and so that was that.'

Cullen was silent for awhile and Hawke was worried. Please understand she prayed again.

"Do they still harbor feelings for you?" he asked her

"Fenris does not. I mean he feels strongly about our friendship and all I have done to help him, but that's it. Anders, that's a bit different. I have made it very clear I do not want him romantically in my life whatsoever, but I know he still thinks he loves me. But I think its some kind of fantasy he has and not really a realistic one."

"I see, but I understand. I mean if it happened before us getting together than I would be kind of a jerk to say anything" he chuckled "but if either does anything now that we are, you know I will beat the hell out of them. I would never treat you as a possession, you know that, but you are mine and I will not allow any man to take any form of liberties with you and not act"

She smiled again. He was so amazing. He could be so fierce and yet timid, strong but yet kind and so much more. He was more than she could ever hope for in life.

"I love you Cullen, I thought I was in love with you before and I realize while I did, that love gets stronger and stronger each time we speak, each time we make love and so forth. You are so much more then I deserve"

"No Hawke you're wrong, you deserve to be loved and adored, you deserve a man who will stand with you and be true to you and I am thankful you allowed me to be that man"

She kissed him and ran her hands in his short curly hair.

"So exactly how much time do we have before we need to get ready to leave?"

"Hmm I dunno, but I am sure for the right reasons a delay wouldn't be that bad" he kissed her again.

"Why don't you show me the right reason then"

Cullen got up and went to the door and locked it. Slowly he walked back to her and let his hands travel her body.  Burying his face in her neck he started removing her tunic and breeches. He chuckled and told her he was glad she hadn't gotten completely dressed yet, it made his job so much easier. She laughed as well until she felt his fingers teasing her lips as he slowly got her to spread her legs more for him.

He backed her to the table and told her to sit on the edge, when she did, he knelt before her. Slowly he licked her inner thighs and ran his hands up and down her legs.  She locked her eyes with his as he slowly began to lick at her outer lips, lightly applying pressure he slowly opened her to his mouth.

Hawke sighed as he lightly teased her folds. There was something so wickedly erotic about the fact she was naked sitting on his table while he knelt before her in his full Templar armor. It was taboo or blasphemous and that only made her even more turned on. Running her hands into his hair she encouraged him on as her hips moved against him face. Quickly he brought her to her first peak.

"Maker's breath Cullen, you are amazing!"

He chuckled and removed his code piece under his robe and opened his leathers he wore under his armor. Moving quickly he was deep inside her.

"I have to say love, it is a turn on having you like this while I am still in my armor and you are beautifully naked." he kissed plump lips

"I was thinking the same thing a minute ago, I guess we must think a like"

Kissing her again she felt him grab her hips and pumped himself harder, trying to get even deeper. Hawke moaned as his armored gauntlets pressed into her hips. She was going to have bruises, but she didn't even care.

They both quickly found there peak, knowing they would have plenty of time tonight to enjoy themselves more, but right now they really did need to meet in the Hangman and plan who was going with them.

Hawke quickly cleaned up and changed into her armor. as a after thought she pulled the burgundy ribbon she wore in her hair and walking out she told him to hold up his arm. Taking the ribbon she tied it over his wrist armor that was hidden under his gauntlets.

"Just a piece of me with you, its silly, but whenever my Father would have to leave us for a couple of days, my Mother would tie one of her hair ribbons around his wrist for luck and for a piece of her with him no matter where he went. I never did anything like that before with anyone, but I guess it helps me have a piece of my Mom with me right now." she blushed

He kissed her and told her he thought it was a sweet token and he would find something for her too he promised. Taking her hand they walk out of his office and head to the Hangman.

******

Walking into the Hangman, Varric was the first to notice Cullen and her clasped hands. He worried about Hawke becoming involved with a Templar, especially since she was friends with 2 apostates, one known to use blood magic, but she was in control of her own life and so far she hadn't gotten anyone, including herself hurt.

All was going well until Anders and Fenris walked in. Both were not amused.

"You actually slept with a Templar? I thought you were a smart woman Hawke, but obviously you're just whoring yourself out, sickening" Anders sneered. This was the woman he loved, loved and she had been with _him_.

Cullen was seeing red, but before he could act, Hawke walked up to Anders and slapped him.

"You are suppose to be my friend Anders, someone who is suppose to care about me as I do you. Even when those around you doubt you and hold you at bay because of Justice, I still stood by you and now I found love that makes me happier than I have been in years, you act like this." she had tears in her eyes "so much for being a true friend. Because a true friend would be happy for their friend if they found love. Leave, I don't to see you for awhile"

Cullen was still ready to thrash him as he walked out, but Varric told him that it wasn't worth it.

They waited for the rest and in the end decided to take Isabela, Merrill and Aveline wanted to come too as a guard presence for them too. If people were worried about speaking to a Templar, they might for a guard captain.

Cullen spoke up and said he forgot to grab the maps he had of the area and needed to change to his other armor so he could ride a horse. Hawke teased him when he asked if she was coming and told him if she watched him get naked again, they would never make it out of his room. Blushing, Cullen left.

"So Hawke" Isabela asked "Is it true that Templar's have the stamina of 2 men?"

Hawke smiled and told her no, which Isabela pouted and then impishly Hawke told her it was more like 5 men and they all laughed.

"I'm not sure if getting involved with a Templar is a good thing Hawke, but if it makes you happy that's good enough for me." typical Varric, states his opinion but ends with wishing you well. She loved Varric dearly. Out of all her friends here, Varric was her closest one. They chatted for a bit more before Fenris asks to have a word with her.

Hopefully it would be better than the one with Anders.

"Hawke, we never spoke about what happened 3 yrs ago, but I suppose now it doesn't matter."he sighed "I was in love with you, perhaps still am. I wanted to be with you, but I just didn't know how to say such."

She laid her hand on his face," I am sorry Fenris. I waited for you to to figure us out. I waited for years, but you never did anything. But I love Cullen so much and he is perfect for me too. We are good together and in someways I think he was meant to be here for me right now."

She removed her hand and Fenris looked sad for a brief moment "Come on and Fenris, you won't leave like Anders right?"

"Whether we are together or not, I will never abandon you and leave, just as you have always stayed true and there for me"

Hawke smiled and saw Cullen come in. He was wearing heavy silverite armor that the Templars wore on horseback. Maker's breath, Hawke swore to herself, the man just looked to damn good for words. She was staring at him when Isabela came up to her and touched her shoulder.

" Hmm he is certainly yummy, do you share?"

"As if, Isabela, that is mine all mine"

Cullen walked up to Hawke and kissed her, he didn't seem to have any problems with claiming her here, "approve my love?" he smiled

"Oh you have no idea, no idea" she practically purred, "and come nighttime I am going to lick every inch of that gorgeous body of yours and make you beg beautiful."

Once more Cullen was thankful for armor, otherwise everyone would see how only a few seductive words from her made the Knight Captain hard and aching for the lovely Champion. 

Grabbing her hand, they went outside to leave. Waiting for them were two of the prettiest grey warmbloods. The horses were amazing and he told her he had picked them because he knew it was her favorite color.She smiled, that was 4 years ago and yet he remembered. He was truly amazing and turning to him, she kissed him slowly and told him she loved him now and beyond. Mounting up, their small party was ready to leave.


	6. Evil Revealed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hawke & Cullen, along with the others travel to a small village named Wallstone just north on the edge of the Vimmark Mountains. 
> 
> Hawke also penned a letter to Ishari and left instructions with Varric on how to get it to her.

It took almost a day of riding to get to Wallstone. The town was small and reminded her of Lothering and with that thought a wave of emotion hit her. It had been so long since she was last there. The one town they had settled in and actually built a home. Living with her Father and Bethany both mages, they moved a lot, but in Lothering, they stayed and for a time was happy too. Then her Father died and not long after that the Blight happened. Carver died. Her Mother died. Bethany was locked up. Hawke cried.

Cullen looked over and saw her and quickly reigned his horse next to her.

"Hawke, are you OK?"

"I'm fine, just old thoughts and memories" and she gave him a small smile.

"There's a tavern close, lets get rooms for the night." Aveline suggested

"Oh a tavern, lets go!" Isabela piped up

Hawke only nodded to Cullen and he gave her a small smile.

The tavern was small and only had 2 rooms available. They had decided Cullen and Hawke would share one and the others would share the other one.They settled in and enjoyed a good meal, laughter and a moment of good company and fun. Hawke found herself feeling happier and memories of those early days when she trying to make coin to go to the deep roads came back. They all laughed about those days and swapped stories of their lives back then. Cullen found the stories about Aveline's attempts at courting Donnic hilarious, especially when Isabela added her views on it. For a moment all seemed right in the world. Not long after they finished eating, Isabela found someone to have a bit of "fun" with and Aveline stated it looked like Merrill and her would have more room for the night after all, which all laughed, including Isabela.

Cullen had told Hawke he arranged something special for her in their room. She smiled  and gave him a small nod. Cullen was worried, Hawke had been very withdrawn since arriving at Wallstone. He understood she should be a bit worried over the possible connection to her dreams but this was different. 

Hawke entered into the room and instantly smiled. Waiting next to the fireplace was a tub of steaming water to bathe in. Smiling, she quickly got out of her armor and into the water. It was amazing. The tub was large and she sunk down in the water and closed her eyes, thinking once more about how much she loved Cullen and how thoughtful he was.

Cullen walked into the room quietly. After making sure everyone was settled and checking on their horses, he was looking forward to getting some sleep. He hoped the bath he arranged helped Hawke feel a bit better. He found Hawke still in the water with her eyes shut. He wondered if she was asleep or not. Deciding to shrug off the heavy armor first, he stripped to his breeches and went to check on her.

Hawke heard Cullen come in and move about the room but pretended to be asleep. She waited till Cullen got close to the tub and bent down to check on her. Waiting for the right minute, she reached up and pulled him in the tub with her. Laughing she grabbed him to give him a kiss.

"If you wanted me to join you, you could of said so and not got water everywhere" he laughed

"But this way is more fun"

Standing, Cullen pulled off his pants and threw them on the floor by the fireplace to dry. Turning he sat down in the water opposite of her and asked for the soap. Getting it, he dunked his head under the water and then scrubbed the soap in his hair. Hawke laughed when he twisted his hair and turned his curls up into little horns and growled at her.

"Yikes I am in a tub with a little demon" she pretended to shriek in terror

"Maybe a desire demon" he wiggled his eyebrows at her and laughed

"A possessed Templar, where's Meridith?"

"Haha...goofy woman" he dunked under the water again.

"Has anyone ever told you how damn good you look when wet?" she asked as she took the wash cloth and started washing his chest

"Seeing as the last person to see me taking a bath was my Mother when I was around 9, that would be a no"

"Hmmm the women of this world have no idea what they are missing out on then" She dropped the cloth and started toying with his nipples

Cullen groaned and pulled her to him in order to kiss

"I think I should get a chance to wash you too"

Turning her back to Cullen, she let him wash it slowly, when she went to turn back, he grabbed her instead and and pulled her onto his lap. Telling her to lay back he reached around and started soaping her chest. She laid her head back on his shoulders and let herself enjoy the feel of his hands sliding all over her.  She teased him horribly about that what he was doing was not the correct to wash ones chest. He only laughed and began playing with her nipples.

"Now this is how any man should wash his ladies chest don't you think?" he nibbled on her ear and slid his hands down her stomach and under the water.

Hawke sighed. Cullen was so amazing. She never thought such happiness would ever be hers.

"So the real question is, do we keep playing in here and spill water everywhere or should we retire to our bed?"

Hawke giggled and wiggled her hips against him, causing Cullen to groan, before jumping up and out of the tub. Cullen was mesmerized as she slowly dried her body in front of him. When she was done, she turned her back to him and pulled her hair up as she drew her arms up to rest on her head. Looking over her shoulder she asked if he was coming or not.

Cullen swallowed hard and quickly dried off and jumped in the bed next to her. Drawing her into his arms, he kissed her slowly, enjoying once more the taste of her lips.

"Do you think it will always be like this for us Cullen?" Hawke asked as she pulled away from his kisses for a moment.

"Hmmm you mean me wanting to be naked with you every minute of the day?"

"No silly, I mean happy, being in love, wanting to be together...I dunno, I just, I guess its that I last time I felt like this, felt this happy was before my Father died and Carver and Bethany were alive and still driving me nuts and Mother..." Hawke sniffled and felt her eyes start to water "I'm sorry, you set up a great night and here I am ruining it..."

"Hawke" Cullen said softly and turned her face up to him so he could look in her eyes "I don't know if it will be or not, I don't know anything beyond right now, but I will promise that every second I breathe I will love you and never will you doubt it. I love you more than I ever thought I could even love. That"s the best I can do"

Hawke couldn't speak, she knew even if she could there was no words that could ever describe what she was feeling and there was only one thing she could do. She held his face in her hands, looked him in the eyes and said "Forever, I swear on my life, forever"

******

Wallstone was a small town and everyone knew everyone. It was obviously a town with no secrets. Between Aveline's Kirkwall Guard armor and Cullen's Templar Armor, everyone was quick to tell them what happened. They quickly learned that on the same night Hawke's home was attacked, a family heard noises coming from their barn and found green demons tearing apart their cattle. The gruesome description matched what Hawke saw happen to Orana. What was really unnerving was the couples young Daughter had been having nightmares of someone talking to her and threatening her life for a few weeks.

Cullen watched as Hawke paled more with each word. But it wasn't until the girl told them the names of the voices as they spoke to each other that Hawke collapsed to the ground. Carrying her back to the Inn, Aveline told Cullen that they knew one of the names. He of course remembered when she told him when Trarohne, the mage who was putting demons into the Templar recruits and was also the circumstance that had Hawke cross paths with Cullen in the first place, had hid her books of ancient lore all over the area and after Hawke tracked them all down, led her to the Demon Xebenkeck, which was one of the names the girl mentioned. Hawke after settling herself, told them that the other Demon mention, Gaxkang was the Demon her cousin Ishari killed as a warden. They now knew the connection between Hawke and her cousin, Ishari.

Cullen told Hawke he wanted to check out their barn, as none of the family fared to go back in it, with Aveline and she should stay with Merrill and Isabela. Hawke of course argued, but Cullen told her that they couldn't risk her being exposed to something. Cullen was a Templar and could negate any magic that might linger. Arguing it and realizing Cullen was the one person she couldn't bully into agreeing with her, she finally agreed but told them both if it was longer than an hour and she was going to come find them.

Aveline could barely stomach the gruesome sight in front of them. Not in her worse nightmares could she have pictured the destruction, There was body parts everywhere and what was left couldn't be deciphered as which animal went to which. As they searched the barn Cullen found something disturbing.  Written in blood was a single name: Imshael.

******

The return to Kirkwall was much slower, almost like none of them wanted to return. Hawke was obviously not doing well and both Cullen and Aveline noticed she spent most of it crying. Cullen wasn't sure how much more Hawke could bare before she buckled under the weight. The woman was beyond strong, but even she was not invincible.

After seeing Aveline, Isabela and Merrill safe at home, Cullen and Hawke headed back to the Gallows. They simply held hands and didn't speak. He understood she didn't need to hear anything, she just needed reassurance he was there beside her for not only this, but for as long as they both lived.

Reaching for his door, she opened it and he quickly turned her to kiss her and tell her he loved her. She smiled and told him the same. Walking in they hadn't realized someone was waiting for them. Hawke had no idea who the woman was until she turned and smiled.

"Hello Cousin and hello to you as well Cullen, looks like you're making promises of loving forever another woman. I wonder if you will betray her too. After all, it only took a few Demons to make you do it to me and it seems like history is repeating itself."


	7. The Price We Pay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hawke finally meets her cousin, Warden Commander Ishari Amell in a less than shocking way. Hawke however shows that the Champion of Kirkwall is not a timid woman, especially defending someone she loves. 
> 
> Ishari reveals what she knows of the Demons that are hunting them and the final piece that ties them all together.

Cullen wanted to respond, he wanted to scream at the red headed woman he once thought he loved. He wanted to do much, but the woman beside him acted first.

"How nice to meet you finally _Cousin_ , I see you have all the grace and charm of my Uncle Gamlen" Cullen snickered at the comparison Hawke had just delivered "but whatever you want to think about your past relationships and my current ones has nothing, I repeat nothing to do with the task at hand." Hawke would not allow anyone to ever attack someone she loved, whether they were family or not "So, C _ousin_ , shall we talk about stopping Demons or should you take your pretty little ass back to King Alistair? I am sure he has better uses for you than I ever would" she smiled sweetly.

Ishari Laughed and Hawke and Cullen looked at her with what they knew was a dumbfounded look.

"Good, you're not some weak kneed idiot using one lucky shot that shot you to the top to rule a decaying town, now lets get to business"

Cullen was shocked. More than shocked.

"Wait, that's it? You show up after all these years and say that to me, to Demetria and it was some sick kind of test?"

"Cullen, you more so than any man out there knows what can happen when one is not prepared for Demons. It takes more than a pretty face, more than a strong heart" her gaze soften for a moment and a small smile lingered on her lips "it takes a will that many don't have and if it could cost me my life, well I was ready to make a sacrifice to save this world the night I became a Grey Warden at Ostagar, you did it when you were the only Templar to walk out of the tower and still live and Hawke, now I know she is made of the same spirit as I am...so lets get to work"

******

Hawke found out much over the course of the next hour. More than she hoped for and was afraid to hear. She also found out her Cousin was a force to be reckoned with and she admired the woman they called the "Uncrowned Queen of Ferelden".

"When I was in Amaranthine rebuilding the order after the Blight and I met a talking Darkspawn, and yes I know one talking right? But he did and in his journals were some frightening information. But one thing I found curious was a mere footnote on a Demon I knew well, Gaxkang the Unbound. Gaxkang was one of 4 ancient beings and as I dug deeper I learned that these four Demons were called the Forbidden Ones, the other three were Xebenkeck, Imshael and The Formless One. Xebenkeck you killed years ago and I know this will seem crazy but when I was in the fade searching for a cure to the cal... for something to save Alistair and I from the Darkspawn taint I saw an image of the future. Its not known generally, but the Amell's have ties to other families in the Free Marches, families that also have magic and one of them has a daughter in the circle right now and she will lead a group to, well order will be needed and she will find and kill Imshael. Three women from the same family line will kill the Forbidden Ones and by doing so will unleash The Formless One and he will consume this world, but if he is slain before Imshael is killed, then the original curse on humankind will be lifted"

"What curse?" Cullen asked

"Templars fight blood Mages, but do you know how humans, elves and so forth first learned it? There was a book I once found when I was, I was traveling and it was very old and magically sealed. It took much to open it and a Spirit of Wisdom helped me. One part was burned into my memory. It said“ _The first of the magus cast themselves deep in the Fade in search of answers and power, always power. They found the forbidden ones – Xebenkeck, Imshael, Gaxkang the Unbound, and The Formless One. Many conversations were had and much of the fabric of the world revealed. And thus the magic of blood was born._ ” But the Spirit shared something else with me from it than even the strongest Mages today do not know. The Formless Ones once walked our plain, he was sent to the Fade and lost his bodily form like the others, but if he consumes the souls of those who killed his brethren, he can be reborn on this plane and open it to the Void. He learned how to not only view the future I saw, but how to pass his spirit to the future as well. It will take much power and much strength, so he will come for both of us first and then pass into the future and wait for our distant Cousin to slay Imshael."

Hawke sat dumbfounded. Was Ishari right? How do they...she couldn't even think and looked at Cullen with pleading eyes.

"How do we kill it then Ishari?" Cullen asked for Hawke

"We use me as bait and use a special sword to gut the bastard and seal him in the void"

"What?? Use you as bait? King Alistair will..."

"King Alistair knows why I am here and knows what I do it for the betterment of not only Ferelden, but all of Thedas. I was willing to die to save Ferelden from the Blight, do you think he doesn't understand I wouldn't do the same for all of Thedas? Cullen, look at Hawke, would you die to save her? Would you give your life to make sure she lived in a world where Evil was not allowed to control it? I know you would and Alistair knows I would do the same for him. We are not ordinary people Cullen. Those that have been thrown into the positions of protecting those who can not defend themselves take on a terrible burden. I wish I wasn't a mage, I wish I could marry the man I love and give him children like Morrigan d...never mind, but I can't and this is my role in this life and I will not shrink from my duty just because I wish for things that can never be."

Cullen felt his heart ache for her. While he was not in love with Ishari, he remembered the shy sweet girl that captured the heart of a young and naive Templar. Life had been simple then, but as much as he wished it wasn't so, he wouldn't change who he was or where he was now, because a life without Hawke would be one he prayed to the Maker he never would know. She was right, Ishari was right, they didn't choose the life they were born to, nor the roles the Maker asked them to do to save his world and his people. All they could do was embrace those roles and do all they could to live up to the hopes the Maker had for them.

They sat and talked for sometime and finally Hawke couldn't stay awake any longer and went to bed. She told Cullen to stay up if he wanted too and talk with Ishari and also help her find a room for the night. She kissed him and licked the tip of his nose with a small laugh before leaving them alone.

"She loves you, you know" Ishari said quietly

"I know and I love her as well"

"Promise me you never betray it, never chose an opposite side, never assume something you feel is right she will understand" she looked at him with pain filled eyes and he swallowed hard.

"I am sorry Ishari, so sorry, I wasn't..."

"Its OK Cullen, truly. What we had was special and always will be too, but you would of never broken your Templar vow and I would not have wanted you if you had, your honor was part of what made me care for you. But in the end we both found something special. I love Alistair more than anything in this world. I would do anything to save him and I never thought I could ever be so loved by any man as I am him. Now you have found someone and can feel what I feel and I am so happy for you and the fact it is my cousin makes me even happier. " she smiled "now show me to a place to sleep, I am beat"

******

_So you know who I am little girl. The Mage is more clever than I thought, but it doesn't matter, I have planned this for ages and I can wait, oh can I wait. I shall devour you slowly, for the slower the more divine it is. You have already played your role in this, so I can savory you and enjoy each bite._

_She ran and screamed no. He will not take me, will not take me._

_Should I take your man you love? It wouldn't be hard to do, he is still is fractured from the last Demon to touch his mind._

_No she screamed, take me but leave him be. Please do not hurt him._

_He laughs and the scene changes. She sees a wall with Cullen, broken and bleeding hung on it wrapped in chains. She runs to him and sees the cloudy colorless eyes, the eyes of death. She screams, Cullen, no he can't be dead..._

"Wake up Demetria, please"

She feels someone shaking her, hears a voice. Its Cullen's voice, Cullen. He's not dead, he's alive.

She opens her eyes. Cullen is here and alive. She is in his room, in his bed and he is holding her.

"Cullen" she sobbed on his shoulder "He showed me you dead and ...Oh Maker you were dead"

Cullen held her tight and tried to sooth her pain. He knew he couldn't make the dreams go away and wouldn't try to use cheap words to give her a false sense of assurance. He needed only to hold her and tell her he loved her. He wouldn't leave her and whatever happened they would meet it together.

"Cullen, no, I can't be the cause of you dying, I can't..."

"Demetria, look at me" he turned her lovely eyes to him "we are partners, in love, as man and woman, in protecting this city, in more ways than I can recite right now and as such I will not allow you to face anything without me at your side, where I belong"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The forbidden ones are part of the actual Dragon Age world. The Warden had a chance to kill Gaxkang in Origins, Hawke has a chance to kill Xebenkeck in the 2nd act and the Inquisitor can kill Imshael as well. You can learn more at the following link: http://dragonage.wikia.com/wiki/The_Forbidden_Ones
> 
> While I used actual game references, the Formless One using his brethren deaths to come into the real world is of my creation. I am using BioWare games and characters and credit such to them, I am creating something that is not part of its cannon. No where in Inquisition do they suggest that Trevelyan is related distantly to Hawke or Amell.


	8. A Pause Before the Storm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hawke decides it is time to go home, especially as Ishari is here. Cullen moves in with Hawke as well. 
> 
> They take a moment to enjoy an evening with friends and have a get together at her home and get permission for Bethany to attend as well.
> 
> This chapter is very short just to show a moment of fun with everyone and also a moment of deep bonding between Cullen and Hawke

To say Anders was shocked would of been an understatement. He never expect to see Warden Commander Ishari again. He also knew she knew all the details about him and the spirit Justice, details he had kept hidden from everyone here in Kirkwall.

"I don't know which is more shocking, seeing Anders here or Isabela" Ishari exclaimed.

"Ishari Amell, do I ever remember you and your delicious Alistair" Isabela crooned to the slightly embarrassed Ishari

"Well yes, I would never forget our first meeting Isabela and you of course know Alistair is now King of Ferelden"

"OK so what is going on?" Hawke had to admit she was curious at what was not being said between the two.

"Well," Ishari started "Isabela, Alistair and I met in Denerim several years ago and we became acquainted"

"Well, very well well acquainted" Isabela laughed

"Knowing how most people become well acquainted with Isabela, I think this is a good time to stop this conversation"

They all laughed at Hawke's suggestion.

Ishari took Anders aside and spoke to him. She was his commander and had no idea where he had taken off too. She also questioned him about the spirit Justice and when he tried to deny not knowing, she told him she could sense him in Anders and to remember she was a very strong and talented Mage too.

"Anders, have you considered what you have done? Damnation! You know what happened when a spirit fuses with a person. You know even the kindest of spirits twist inside a person, they aren't meant to be inside someone. Why would you do this?"

"I wanted to help him. You know he left his warden host, but had no way to return home. He would of died, no worse than died, had I not offered to merge with him and I didn't want to see him wiped from existence."

"Oh Anders, you knew I cared about you, you were a close friend and I would not have been able to stop the Mother without you. I cared and you knew it, so why did you not come to me first? I would of tried to help you both.

"You had already went back to Denerim and I dunno, I just didn't want anyone else involved. Please can we stop talking about this? We can't change what is already done, so talking about it is pointless."

She sighed, but knew he was right and no matter what Ishari thought, she knew the truth, no one could help Anders now and the only course of action they had was to go forward and hope everything turned out OK.

The night went on and all were enjoying it. After awhile things began to calm down and lay back on the couches Hawke had set up to make a small sitting area on the balcony before her bedroom. She always liked the area and thought it would be a perfect place to kick back with friends. She leaned back against Cullen and laughed as he nuzzled her neck. Bethany smiled and was happy to see the obvious love between the two. 

Aveline and Donnic finally left and not soon after them Merrill, Isabela and Fenris did as well. Only Anders, Varric, Bethany and Ishari remained with Hawke and Cullen.

"You know Hawke I  think I like this side of you. Slayer of Demons and Darkspawn and now she is domesticated. But please promise me you won't let the world see this side of you, or my stories would be ruined!" Varric teased her "No one would believe the mighty Champion of Kirkwall who killed hundred Qunari with her bare hands, could also play the Noble housewife too!"

They all laughed and she agreed it would kill her image.

Anders mumbled. His ire over watching Hawke with Cullen flaunting themselves disgusted him. Finally he couldn't stand it anymore and blew up.

"How can you sit there and be like this Hawke? You're better than this. You're better than... better than him." he sneered

"You stupid Mage" Cullen shot back "What is your damage?"

"My damage? Mine? I am not the one using Hawke in some power play to make the Templar's here stronger and force her under Meridith's thumb. You're disgusting, you should crawl back to the Gallows where you belong"

"Anders!" Hawke was shocked at his outburst "what is wrong with you? How could you..."

"How could I? Are you really that stupid? He is a Templar, Templar's that took Bethany from you, that hurt Mages, that hunt myself and even Merrill. You're fucking the enemy"

Hawke jumped up and smacked him. She wanted to break his neck, but wouldn't, however that didn't stop her from smacking him.

Anders was furious. This was the woman he loved, yet this disgusting Templar stole her from him. Getting angrier by the second, he began to glow blue.

Cullen was shocked, he never knew this about the Mage and now wondered what the hell he was? Without thinking Cullen quickly used Silence on the Mage and went after him.

"How dare you use..." Anders was cut off as Cullen punched him as hard as he could.

Hawke rushed over to Cullen and held him back as she was afraid he would kill Anders and while Anders was behaving like an ass, she didn't want to see him dead either.

"I think its best you leave Anders" Hawke said Quietly "before you do something that can never be changed"

"I love you Hawke" Anders wailed "I have always loved you, I was the one by your side in the deep roads, I was the one who was there when your Mother died, I was there when you faced the Qunari and saved everyone. He wasn't, how can you love him and not me?"

"Oh Anders, I know you do and you are a good friend to me for all you said and so much more, but I will never love you like you want me too, I'm sorry, so sorry" Hawke saw a tear slip down Anders cheek and could feel her own eyes watering.

"I think I should take Blondie home and let you guys go to bed, its getting late." Varric grabbed Anders arm and led him out "Nice seeing you again Sunshine and meeting you as well Warden"

******

Cullen and Hawke laid in bed on their sides facing each other and enjoying a few light kisses.

"I love you Demetria" he slowly deepening the kiss. She moaned into his mouth and slid her body closer to him and enjoying the feel of hard muscles against her.

"Saying I love you doesn't come close to what I really feel for you Cullen"

She moaned against his lips as he pulled her closer to him. He slid his large hand over her round hip and up to the base of her back. Pulling her even tighter to him, he began to lick her lips, then her neck.

"I love the taste of you Demetria, I love the feel of your body as I slide my tongue over you. I love when your thighs cradle my head as I taste your completely. I spent my life never caring if I was with a woman or not, but when I saw you I was instantly consumed with desire to touch you, kiss you, to claim you." He slid down lower and grasped a hard nipple in his mouth, giving it one hard tug before letting it go and cupping it in his hand.

Rolling her onto her back, he slid his hand down her belly and lightly rubbed her making small circles on her skin.

"I long for the day when you are my wife Demetria and when that happens, I can not wait to see your beautiful body ripen with our child. Watching him grow within you, knowing you will give me the one thing I have always longed for, a family of my own." he ran his hand lower and slid his fingers along her outer folds. Smiling at the sharp intake of breath she made.

"Every time I look on you, or hold you or even taste you I fall more and more in love with you. Sometimes I don't think I could desire you anymore than I already do and then you smile and look at me and I realize I fall even more in love with you"

"Oh Cullen, sometimes I feel like I don't deserve such love. I feel like..."

He took her mouth before she could finish and rolled her over and onto her back, sliding his frame between her beautiful thighs and moaned at how amazing she cradled his body perfectly between them. He then slipped himself into her body and captured her mouth as they both moaned over how wonderfully they fitted together.

"Make a child with me now Cullen, I don't want to wait" she whispered in his ear

He groaned and began to rock his hips between her legs. Slowly with long strokes. This wasn't about desires and passion, wasn't about making the other peak with over powering passion. No this was about sharing a love of two people who wanted to create an unbreakable link between them. It was about breaking the lines that made each a singular being and creating in its place a new being fused together for eternity by a simple moment when each first uttered the words I love you. 


	9. The Burden of being Champion.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A month has past since Cullen and Hawke moved back into her estate in Hightown. Ishari still searches for a sword of legend that can kill the Formless one as Hawke is called upon again and again by Meredith to aid her in quests to prove Orsino is plotting against her.
> 
> Hawke is beginning to worry that loyalty and duty to the Order could push Cullen and her apart. After finding her Sister kidnapped, she rushes to find her and finds herself at odds with Cullen after returning home.
> 
> Later Hawke shares happy news with Cullen as they affirm once more the love they shared

Bethany, they had Bethany and it was all Hawke could think about at the time. If they hurt her, if someone hurt her, she would make them pray for death. When she found out it was Grace, the Mage from Starkhaven and the Templar Thrask, whom she had promised to not let anyone know his own daughter was a Mage and not in the circle either, she was livid. Those two had kidnapped Bethany, used a blood ritual to put her to sleep, yes, she was more than angry. They told her Bethany was fine and such. Then Thrask had told her they were against Meredith and all of this was to take down Meredith, but when Thrask had agreed to let Hawke and Bethany go, Grace attacked her and killed Thrask. The battle had not been easy, but she had no doubts that they would win.

Alain, one of the Mages who didn't fight them or agreed with Grace, was able to wake Bethany from her magical sleep. It was then the ex Templar Samson brought Cullen to them. Her heart twisted at the sight of him. Both Mages and Templars laid dead at her feet, but he wouldn't doubt her would he?

"Champion" Cullen tried to keep his voice even and low "I hope you were not a part of this"

No shit, she felt like yelling at him. Followed closely by thinking could you even believe I was?

He asked her for a recommendation and she had told him to have Meredith go easy on poor Alain as he aided her. His response floored her as his doubt at Alain's reasoning for doing so was much harsher than she would of thought of him.

She looked at him and tried to hide the pain in her eyes. Looking then to her companions next, she turned and left him.

******

That night before Cullen got there she told Ishari what happened. She cried over the fears she carried deep in her heart. She also shared a secret with her as well, Hawke was with child. She knew it and had yet told anyone, even Cullen.

"Why haven't you told him?" She was shocked that she would keep such a thing from him

"I only have known for a couple of days now myself. I of course wanted too as soon as I knew, but he seems more distant and I feel like he is pulling away from me too" she started crying harder.

"Demetria, you need to talk to him. He is under a lot of pressure with Meredith becoming more unstable. But you know he loves you."

"I know he loves me, but I do not know if he will stay by me if I openly disagree with Meredith. You're right that she is becoming very unstable and I will not support her if she tries to harm anyone in this town or circle, even if it pits me against Cullen"

Ishari hugged her cousin, who had become the closest friend she had ever had as well. She wouldn't ever say anything to her, but she too saw a wall growing between Cullen as well. Please let him stay with her, she prayed. Hawke was a strong woman, but she didn't know if she could live through that.

"I understand your fears better then you think Demetria"

"You do?" Hawke asked breaking from the hug

"When Alistair became King, everyone pushed for him to stop our relationship and after the Landsmeet, he ended it"

"Alistair left you?" Hawke was shocked as it was open knowledge how much King Alistair adored his love

"Yes, the night before the battle with the Archdemon, we faced a choice, sort of, that could help make sure we both survived and I turned it down, because I wanted to die. I didn't want live without him. However when he found out, he did, well what had to be done, a ritual of sorts, to make sure we did live. It was a month after the battle when his coronation was celebrated. After he came to me and told me what he had done and why. I was so angry at him, then he kissed me, in front of the court mind you, and begged me to forgive him and to stand by his side forever. Obviously I accepted."

"Sounds almost like a fairy tale" Hawke sighed at how romantic it sounded.

"One with a lot of Darkspawn in it" she laughed "but the point I was making is that sometimes you can have something happen that you might split the two of you apart and even maybe want to kill each other too," she laughed " but love will always bring you back together"

Hawke smiled with tears in her eyes. Ishari was right, even if they disagreed now and even if they were at odds, their love would not die out no matter what.

******

It was several hours later that Cullen was able to return to Hawke's house. Everything in this town seemed to be breeding crazy and letting it run rampant, not caring what got destroyed in the process. He had spent hours going over reports, working on patrols and everything else that got passed his way. Once he finally finished, he would of liked to fall into his bed, but he was afraid it would hurt Hawke. Lately it seemed their relationship was under much stress. He knew a lot of it was caused by him. He tried to be professional when on duty, but as they seemed to get pulled into the Mage/Templar issues here, the more they found themselves at odds.

Slowly he slid into bed after undressing and pulled her naked body into his embrace. He loved her so much and would do anything to protect her. She was his world. She groaned and rubbed her hips against him. He hissed with desire and ran his hands over her lush form. Maker did she have an amazing body. He started licking and nipping at her neck and smiled when she lightly laughed and asked what time it was.

"Late, but not sure how late. I had so much work and while I almost thought of passing out in my room, I preferred the long walk to be with you more."

He ran his hands down her body and slowly slid his fingers between her legs. She was already extremely wet

"Hmm either you were expecting me or you are truly prepared for anything" he chuckled

"A bit of both"

"What is it about you Demetria? I can't stop wanting you when we are together and think of you to distraction when we are a part"

Rolling over she draws his head down to her and lightly kissed his lips.

"I love you so much Cullen. I am so sorry for how I acted on the wounded coast. Just with Bethany and..."

""Its OK, I was taking out my anger on Thrask on you and it wasn't right. I am so sorry Demetria, the things I said and how I treated Alain, was wrong"

She kissed him lightly and tasted his lips. She loved his lips, they were so soft against her own, yet he kissed with a force that made her feel weak.

"Cullen, I know the coming months will be rough for us. Even you have admitted Meridith seems to be insane these days. I have always supported you and the Templars, but if Meridith turns on innocents, whether Mage or not, I can not agree with it. Maybe being Champion means nothing to some, but I see it as swearing myself to protect the people of this city from harm and that includes the Mages here. Even if Bethany wasn't a Mage, I would never allow anyone to be harmed for no reason"

"I know love and its one of the reasons I love you so much, you are as good as anyone could ever be. Your heart, compassion and morals make me admire you as well as love you" he kissed the tip of her nose.

"And here I thought you only wanted me for by body" she said wickedly

"Hmm I think I very much do love your body as well" pulling her even tighter in he arms and began kissing her throat once more. "I know its late, but I want you, right now"

Rolling him onto his back, she mounted him and ground her body against him "I think that is one thing we both agree on"

They made very slow and passionate love. Focusing more on their love for each other and the completion they felt whenever each others arms. 

Later as they laid in each others arms, Hawke told him she was sure she was with child. She watched as Cullen face split into a huge grin as he kissed her passionately. Pulling back he slid his hand over her belly.

"My son, my son now grows within you," he bent and kissed her belly' I love you already and will love you as much as I do your beautiful Mother"

"It could be a girl you know" Hawke teased him

"Then I hope she will be as beautiful as her Mother so that I may see you within her face each day"

"I would hope so, I would feel horrible if our daughter had your scruffy and hairy jaw"

He laughed

"So when do we marry?" he asked

"What? Oh I haven't thought about that"

"I love you dearly Love, but I want my, I mean our children born with parents who not only love each other but are married as well"

"Then you need to talk to Meridith tomorrow and I will go to the Chantry and see how soon we can get it done"

They kissed again and Cullen slid against her letting her feel he was aroused once more.

"Maker Cullen, you are insatiable"

"Mmm it is because you make me desire you constantly

Giggling, Hawke pulls him to her mouth once more and kisses him deeply, exploring each small part of his mouth. She licked at his lips and then his neck, sliding down his body with small kisses and wicked licks. She smiled when she heard Cullen gasp as she quickly licked the length of him.

As always, their sex was all consuming and full of passion and desire. Both had remarked to the other that when they had sex, it was as no one else existed in the world and all that mattered was the devotion they had for each other.


	10. A Moment of Fun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aveline comes under fire and Hawke is out to prove her friend is not only innocent of the charges but find whoever is doing it and take them down. Cullen is ordered to take her position, but trusts Hawke to handle it and knows and agrees with Hawke that Aveline is indeed innocent.
> 
> Cullen and Andres once more clash over Hawke when she tells all her her close friends she is expecting a child soon and will be marrying soon too.

"You can not be serious?" Hawke knew she was yelling at Cullen but couldn't help it "Aveline is the best thing that has ever happened to this city and you damn well know it!"

"Demetria, I know, which is why I am telling you first, so you and Aveline can find out what is going on and prove it is not true" Maker he loved her, but pregnancy was making her even more difficult to deal with. She would flop from demon queen extreme to a passionate woman who would practically attack him any given minute. Mind you the attacks of passion were a  good thing, but still he never knew which version of her he was dealing with.

"Damn right I will find out and when I do, Maker help the bastard who is doing it, because mercy will not be given" she stomped out of the room in a fury.

Once she was out the door, Cullen sat down and laughed. Maker he loved her so much, but life with Demetria was never a boring thing. She was wild and vibrant and things even he couldn't find words to described. She drove him to the point of insanity.

Seeing the door thrown open he jumped when said woman came back in and said, "You're laughing at me aren't you!" and narrowed her eyes

"What me? never" he grinned

"Cullen you, you ,you..."

"Yes?" he smiled and winked

"I don't know" she laughed and walked around his desk after sliding the bolt and sat in front of him on his desk

"Maker's Breath woman, you're already pregnant, we can stop trying you know" he smiled

"Mmmm what can I say, I seem to desire you always" Standing she began taking off her armor.

Cullen watched and couldn't move. If she had a desirable body prior to being pregnant it was even more so now. She had only a slight rounding to her belly, which doubtfully anyone but him would notice, since he spent a great deal of time kissing said area of her body. Her breasts were even larger and he loved how sensitive her nipples had become. He loved to nibble on them and make her pant with pleasure. Hawke was one of the rare women who he knew that even when she would became huge with child she would be as breathtaking as ever, no, he decided, she would be even more beautiful then normal. He watched as she slid her hands over her body teasing him terribly.  Once more he wondered how she had chose him to gift her love to.

Cullen stood and lifting her in his arms carried her to his bedroom he never used at the gallows anymore. Dumping her ungracefully on his bed, smiling at the squeal she gave him, he began removing his own armor. Cullen tried to hurry and groaned as he watched Hawke spread herself wide and began teasing herself.  He watched as she squirmed under her own fingers and the precise skill they had in rousing her and gifting him with wet haven begging him to come in, which he gladly did so.

Cullen growled with each push he made. She was warm, tight and so very wet. Grabbing her hips he ground himself harder and harder, enjoying the view of her withering before him. Maker the woman was magnificent! Ending sooner than either wished, he collapsed onto the bed next to her.

"Maker woman, you are going to be the death of me!" he swore while trying to catch his breath

"Mmmm but wasn't it fantastic" she purred in his ear and then slid her tongue quickly along it

"Oh no you don't you woman, I seriously have work to do. I also need to talk to Meridith, so if you wish to see me remain Knight Captain AND become your husband, you will let me get some work done"

"Oh fine, I see how you are" she pretended to pout "oh and I want you to know we will be having a party in a few days at home too where we can announce our coming child and hopefully our marriage too"

Cullen groaned, he hated such parties and outside of Aveline and her husband Donnic, he spoke hardly to anyone else.

"You want me to get permission to bring Bethany?"

"Of course! Oh do you think I should tell her now or with everyone else?"

"I am not sure, but if you choose with everyone else, then I will need to ask Meridith, which again means you need to let me get some work done woman"

"Fine" she winked and got dressed as he did the same

"By the way Cullen" she said in his doorway as she was leaving " I plan on having some of the warm chocolate I crave in bed tonight, I believe you enjoyed when I licked it off your...." and she left leaving a groaning Cullen behind

********

If Hawke had been angry when Cullen told her about the accusation against Aveline, then Aveline's reaction could be considered blood curling

"Coddle my men? Who, who said this Hawke?" she demanded

"Unknown, but it was passed on by Cullen and..."

"Cullen? He wants me ousted?" Aveline interrupted

"Of course not, he told me so we could see what idiot was behind it and nail their ass to the wall. You know Cullen considers you and Donnic true friends of his and he doesn't have many, so you know how important the ones he does have are to him. By the way, tell your husband to take it easy on him, he is going to lose everything he owns if Donnic keeps beating him at wicked grace."

"Donnic plays cards with Cullen? Where?"

"Twice a week at Fenris mansion with Fenris, of course, and Varric."

"How did I not know this?" Aveline couldn't believe she didn't know.

"Uh that would be something you need to ask your hubby dear, but for now, lets go find the jackass causing you problems and knock some heads too"

"Some things never change with you Hawke"

"Yep and everyone loves me for it too" she winked

"Or just scared as hell to say anything" Aveline laughed as did Hawke. Both talking about their early days in Kirkwall as they headed to the docks to speak to Donnic who was patrolling there.

Donnic of course supported his wife, but Hawke knew that if it was not true, as much as he loved Aveline he would never lie. Donnic was one of the few good men in the world that didn't have a dishonest bone in his body. Which is what probably made their relationship as strong as it was. Aveline would never lie, nor break the law, sometimes to the point of be annoyingly honest Hawke laughed.

Donnic's information lead them to Lowtown and to guardsman Brennan. It didn't take long to figure out that the jerk behind all this was former Guard Captain Jeven. Still upset and blaming Aveline for his dismissal, which always amazed Hawke when people could not see there own actions lead them to the point they were at, was out to remove Aveline one way or another. However with the guards loyal to Aveline, the cheap mercenaries Jeven had were easy work for Hawke and Aveline.

Heading back to the Gallows to see Cullen to inform him of events, Hawke stopped to stare at Cullen, prompting Aveline to ask what was wrong.

"Nothing is wrong Aveline, in fact its the complete opposite. Look at him, there in the sunlight his hair so golden it almost makes it seem he has a halo. I look at him sometimes and feel like I couldn't breathe if I lost him. I never knew another person could make you feel so full and complete."

Aveline stopped and looked at Hawke, this was a side she hadn't ever seen of her friend, and she liked it.

"I can't wait to see someday what our child will look like and I hope he will look like his father, I never thought I would want to ever be married or have a family, but when I look at him and he smiles at me, I want it, I want it all. I want it so desperately Aveline, I love him more than I ever thought my heart could love."

"Hawke..."

"I know I am being foolish, its stupid to say...."

"No Hawke, love is one of the best things in this world to treasure and hold on too. I don't think you're stupid, I think it makes my heart happy to know you found something special to hold on too"

Hawke smiled and walked up to Cullen, not wanting to embarrass him, she was unprepared for him grabbing her an kissing her in front of everyone. Cullen didn't like the others watching his private life, which was where Hawke resided.

"Cullen,are you OK" she asked

"Better than OK, I got the OK from Meridith for both things we spoke of this morning." he smiled

Hawke grabbed him and kissed him as he spun them around. With almost everyone staring at them, Hawke and Cullen kissed before setting her back down

"I am sorry Guard Captain, I am being rude when you have your own problems to deal with. While she made me swore to not say anything to anyone just yet, believe me it is the second greatest thing I have ever heard, my first came last night" Cullen once more kissed Hawke lightly

"Its OK Knight Captain, while it is a surprise, I am glad to see both of you so happy. I am glad love found you"

"What can I say? She inspires me'

********

Dinner was served at 6pm sharp and Hawke had been pacing all day. Cullen and her would tell all they were not only getting married, but they would be having their first child as well. Hawke wasn't a fool and knew only one companion would be upset. Anders. No matter what she said, he refused to believe she wasn't capable of loving him, he still thought he could win her to him. No matter how much she tried to talk to him, it always came down to yelling and one walking out on the other. Truth be told she did miss him. She missed talking for hours about the Wardens and his cat Ser Pounce-a-lot, about the cat in the tower during the Blight got possessed and took down a few Templars. He had reminded her much of her Father, the only difference was her father, Malcolm, would die before he hurt anyone. Anders she found lately was willing to sacrifice almost anyone to achieve what he believed in. That was the personality of a zealot and that worried her.

After enjoying a wonderful dinner courtesy of Aveline. Aveline had found a woman and her three children living on the streets in Lowtown. The Mother was close to 40 and her children ranged from 20 to 11. After the Mother,Lilly, husband died, they had no way to support themselves. With no money, she could also not provide dowry's for her daughters to make good matches, so the four remained together. Lilly was a woman of morals and so were her daughters, after refusing to become prostitutes, they were add the end of their rope and then Aveline had found them. Hawke gladly hired them. Lilly was head housekeeper and cook and was paid accordingly. The eldest 2 were daughters and for their work they studied with the best tutors in Kirkwall and Hawke put aside anything beyond the cost of tutors for future dowry's for both girls. Hawke told both girls if they studied hard and excelled at their schooling she would also give each fine material for them to each make items for their future hope chests. Both material for linens and rich material's for clothing too. For the baby at 11, her son also studied with his sisters, but he also took lessons every other night with Cullen on sword fighting. While Hawke could of easily taught him too, she saw the look of excitement in Cullen's eye for teaching the boy. He also taught him how to care for his armor,swords and even his horses. Lilly was very grateful to Hawke for all she had done for her and her daughters and as such was extremely loyal to both her and Cullen. 

After dinner, everyone went up to Hawke's sitting area again to relax as Lilly brought all tiny bowls of sherbet made from wine and fruit juices and slightly sweeten. Hawke had been craving them like crazy lately. Which brought both Hawke and Cullen back to their good news to share.

"So everyone, while it is always enjoyable to get together for dinner and hanging out time, and Maker knows all of need moments to just enjoy life some, tonight their is a point to this" Hawke said while standing. Pulling Cullen to his feet, she continued

"So tonight are two wonderful surprises. First, Cullen and I are getting married" Hawke waited for squeals of excitement to wear down a bit and added "I am pregnant too! Only a few weeks, but I am so excited as is Cullen and I hope all of you as well!"

They were both excited even more as everyone jumped up and started hugging them and giving toasts. All except one, which of course was Anders. Hawke shivered a bit at the intense disgust he was directing at at her. Watching he slowly got up and stalked to her.

"A word alone?" he asked

Cullen of course said no, but Hawke had told him it was OK and led him into her small study.

After closing the door and turning to face Anders, she was shocked when he grabbed her and kissed her.

"Anders, what in the name of the Maker are you doing?" Hawke was extremely angry.

"Why Hawke? Why? Cullen is not worthy of you, it was bad enough when he was your lover, but marriage, children? Hawke, please do not do this. First time you take a stance with Mages over Templars he will betray you. Never will he ever not side with the Templars. You have to know that"

Hawke also knew if it came to picking sides, Hawke would be alone if she supported Mages. But that may never happen either, If there was no striking point to have to chose one side over the other, than it would even matter.

She was going to say something else, with Anders kissed her again and said he loved her. At that moment Cullen walk into the room and instantly grabbed Anders.

"How many times do I have to beat the hell out of you Mage, before you get the damn picture? Hawke is with me and I am sick of you trying to come between us. You claim to love Hawke and care, but all you do is want to cause problems between us and try to make us fight. That is not the actions of someone who cares. Now I am going to toss your ass out and only come back when you can actually put Hawke's happiness and wants before your selfish needs" grabbing the Mage by the neck, Cullen tossed him out the door.

"Thank you Cullen" Demetria told him and smiled "but I can take care of myself too sweety." she winked

"I know you can and I know you could of done him some serious harm too, but you're my love and soon my wife and I want to show I will protect you with all I can too. I would never allow anyone to harm you and would die to keep you safe"

Hawke slid into his arms before going back upstairs.

"Mmmm sometimes I don't think I deserve such a love for you Cullen, you are so much better than I will ever be. In a world falling apart, your strength keeps me going. I love you so much!"

They kissed again slowly and enjoying each others mouth with each stroke.

"Ahem, so should we just leave or are you going to come back up here and play some cards?" Varric called down to them

"I vote for ravishing your body my Love, but I can do that later tonight anyway, plus I am sure waiting will make you squirm and get you really worked up for me" Cullen whispered in her ear and giving her a wink he turned to go up the stairs.

You evil man, Hawke thought, I am going to lick every inch of you later and make you beg. Then laughing she went and joined all the others. 


	11. A Change in Events

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A Month has passed since Demetria and Cullen have married. Ishari, leaving the day after their wedding, returns finally with news on how to kill their enemy. 
> 
> Bethany has been been given time with Hawke with Meridith's blessing to help her as Hawke's first month has proven difficult with constant sickness. Anders has finally excepted Hawke as a friend only and has also helped her with his healing. While Cullen and him still are friendly enemies at best, they both vow to try for the sake of Hawke and her coming child.

Hawke was seriously annoyed at the child she was carrying. If one did not know she was pregnant you could not tell from looking at her, yet the constant retching from her condition could hardly be secret.

"Well Sister are you still in love with Motherhood?" Bethany laughed

"Yes and no" she laughed "but I know now that I am carrying a boy, since only a man could make a woman feel mad and happy at the same time."

"I will take your word on it"

"Oh Bethany, this world is so unfair. You should know love, marriage and children too.  You would be such a wonderful Mother" Hawke started crying

Bethany pulled her into a hug as Ishari walked in the room.

"Is everything OK? What is wrong?" she came and sat on the bed by the two women.

"Nothing" Hawke cried "I just was sad over how Bethany can never have my happiness due to the circle, at least you will have children one day"

Ishari looked sad and had a small tear slip down her cheek

"What is wrong cousin?" Hawke asked

"Grey Wardens are, well tainted by the Darkspawn and no Warden has ever had a child, especially as long as I and Alistair too, have had the taint. We have tried everything, but...."

Hawke grabbed her and cried "I am so sorry Ishari, we are all family, the little we have left, yet it is not fair we face such things that others never have to endure"

"Alistair once told me, while fighting the blight, that while the Maker loves us, those who are the strongest must endure the most pain, not out of his lack for love, but because he loves us so much that he can not trust in others to do those deeds that must not fail"

"I wish I could believe that, but I am not so sure" Hawke smiled, before pushing away for her bucket again

"As if I wanted what you're are going through anyway" Bethany laughed.

All three turn to look as Cullen walked through the door wearing his normal wide grin, due to his wife and coming child. Asking if she was alright, Hawke glared at him.

"Do I look OK? This Demon in my belly is being a beast, if only you could carry him"

"My Love, I would if I could, but I am afraid my Templar armor would not fit a belly carrying a child" he chuckled

"Lucky me, I married a comedian" Hawke glared

"Yes and a Fool, may both always bring a smile to your beautiful face Love"

Softening for a minute, Hawke smiled at her husband, Maker did she ever love him. The thought quickly left as she reached for the bucket once more.

"OK I will leave before she demands I be gelded, but before I leave, I brought you the Ferelden pears you have been craving and a small potted Ferelden royal rose bush you were wishing for too"

"Oh Cullen, I love you so much" she smiled as she reached for a pear "How did you get them?"

"I hired a ship captain to go for me, he had business in Denerim anyway and both are easy enough to find in the markets this time of year. I also got him to bring a copy of the book you were wanting for the baby of fairy tales that your Father read to you as a child, plus and finally, I had him pick up some fabric bolts for you, since I know you and Bethany enjoy sewing"

"Cullen, I don't know what to say" and getting off the bed, she ran to hug him "you are to good to me"

"Ah my temptress, I would do anything for you" he kissed her on the cheek and whispered his love in her ear

********

Later that evening as Hawke and Cullen laid in bed, she told him everything Ishari had found. Once they located the sword, they could fight the Demon and rid them of his destruction he planned for them both and for his plan to destroy this world.

"Hawke you have to let Ishari do this, you can not risk it"

"Cullen, Ishari is a Mage, while deadly she doesn't know squat about sword fighting and before you say you will do it, you can not as everything in the texts point to it needing to be wielded by the one afflicted by the Demon or else it could kill not only him, but the ones he has marked"

"I don't like this Demetria and if you insist on going, then I will be going with you, no arguments"

"I know" she said quietly

"Wait, did you just agree with me?" he was shocked

"We can't disagree all the time" she smirked

"Woman you will be the death of me"

"Hmmm do I kill you with kindness or passion?" she purred into his ear

"Maker's breath woman! You are insatiable" he laughed

"By the way" she said as she began nibbling his jaw and neck "you have no more worries about Anders and I"

"Why is that?" Maker she turned him quickly, he might tease she was insatiable for sex, but the truth was he desired her constantly too. The thought of being inside her and feeling her wrapped around him made him nuts

"I believe he is falling for Bethany, I see them talking constantly and have seen the soften looks between them. I can tell he fights it, but it is obvious that Bethany is weakening his resolve" she slowly climbed on top of him

"Hmmm well if it makes him keep his hands off of you, I suppose it is good, but Bethany is far to sweet and kind for someone like Anders, he is far to selfish" he slid his hands up her hips and slowly pulls her gown up and over her head, but traps her instead with her arms up and her face still covered. Slowly he licks and nips at her nipples and loves how responsive she is now to such things.

"Oh Cullen" she murmurs, and rolls her hips against him

"Maker Demetria, you make me want you always, I want your beautiful thighs wrapped around me constantly. I will never get enough of you" pulling the nightgown completely off he rolls her over and kisses her belly and run his tongue around her bellybutton causing her to laugh as she unlaced his sleeping bottoms.

"If I lived a thousand years, it would still not be long enough love" he slid his tongue along her hip bone "I can not breathe unless I know you are here with me, I can not even think of life beyond yours. All I am is now centers on you and that of our child my Love"

"Oh Cullen, I sometimes think it is to much, you are the kindest, most honorable man I have ever known, I do not feel I should deserve such love" she placed her fingers on his soft lips stopping what he was going to say "But I thank the Maker you are here, I don't know if I could manage it all with you. My love and my life is forever promised to you and our children Love"

"Children? Hmmm so quick to think we should do this again?" he snickered

"You are such a pain, what was I saying about you? I must be delirious from the pregnancy" she wrinkled her nose at him

"Come here you wild temptress" and reaching for her so he could lay her by his side, they rolled to face each other and slowly kissed. Finding comfort in their love, their gentle teasing and the life growing from a piece of each other.

********

Hawke sat eating the Ferelden pears Cullen got her with a dash of cinnamon while Anders worked on her ankles.

"Hawke" Anders said quietly "I need to say I am sorry. You were the best friend I ever had and I let stupidity push me into a place I should not have been. I am very sorry"

"I know Anders, which is why I never cracked your head over any of it" she smiled and winked

"I guess I thought we would be perfect together and couldn't bring myself to admit I was wrong. I am sorry it took me so long to see, well to see what was in front of me all along" he looked down and blushed

"Anders," she turned his face up to meet her eyes "I am glad if you and Bethany can find some happiness, because I love you both, but Bethany is timid and has never loved being a Mage, do not force her into your war, or I will act and all love of my friend will be nothing in the face of my broken heart Sister. I know Justice and you argue Anders and you know he has had some words with me and you had blackout moments, but if that thing in you turns on Bethany..."

"I know Hawke and believe me I would slit my own throat before hurting Bethany. In a way, you being so strong fueled my need to revolt, but when I am with Bethany, I desire simple things, putting a smile on her face, the simple happiness in making her laugh and when those things happen, I feel a peace I am not sure I have ever felt before Hawke" Anders felt himself blush

Hawke leaned up and pulled him into a hug.

"Thank you Anders, you have always had a special place in my heart and I am glad we both know were the other should be in our lives so we can enjoy it, without hurting each other"

"Thanks Hawke, oh and for what it's worth, I have no intention of being completely nice to Cullen, he is still a Templar ass to me" he winked

"That's OK, because you're still in need a forehead tattoo to him"

They both laughed.


	12. The Walls Come Crashing Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hawke has a Nightmare like none before and Cullen finds out she has been hiding her nightmares from him. He had thought they were getting better and instead they are more brutal than ever. Hurt Cullen moves to the Gallows for a few days to clear his head after they both say things they regret.
> 
> Demetria is hurt by Cullen's and her fight and Ishari is there to comfort her cousin. She also shows Hawke a more personal side of her and Alistair.
> 
>  
> 
> *This chapter is shorter than the rest, but I felt it was a bridge needed before hitting the last few chapters of the story.

_Ah my pet, I so enjoy our nightly visits. I use to think you were a prize amongst prizes, but now you carry a child and will be even sweeter to devour...I can hardly wait. First I will take your husband, then your lovely cousin and you, you will be my dessert. Its close, can you feel it yet? Can you feel your death is near and your child that will never be a part of this world you claim to love and protect.  
_

_How will you feel knowing before you die you will cause the death of those you love first. Your Husband will die as slow and painful to the point he will curse your name and your love, then Ishari will and King Alistair will be consumed with her loss and dwindle away until he takes him own life and your child, I will enjoy your child most of all, I can already feel his life force, he is so strong like his parents and will be even more delicious than his parents.  
_

"No you will not have him!" Demetria screams in her sleep and thrashes until someone wakes her and draws her into their arms

"Demetria, shh love, I have you"

Cullen, her Cullen, she melts into his arms as he kisses her forehead and slowly rocks her while humming lightly. Maker she loves him.

"You haven't had nightmares for weeks, I had hoped the demon was retreating or growing scared"

"They're nightly and now he wants our baby too, oh Cullen, he wants our child" she is sobbing against his chest.

Cullen stopped moving for a moment. She said the dreams were nightly. She told him she hadn't had any for weeks when he asked her, She had lied to him, lied. How could she? Suddenly full of anger, he lets her go and stood up from their shared bed and started pacing.

"Cullen, whats wrong love?" she asks him quietly

"Whats wrong? What is wrong? I'll tell you wants wrong. You told me you hadn't been having any nightmares for awhile and now you say you had, which means you lied to me. Lied! How could you?"

"Cullen,you are under so much stress with Meridith and how fast things are falling apart in Kirkwall, I didn't want one more thing on you. I wanted when you were here at home, with me, to be a place where you could find some peace, somewhere you wouldn't be stressed, someplace happy. I just hate seeing how much is dumped on you and how much you hurt and no matter how much I love you, I don't want to be a burden of more stress, I wanted to be a place to find solace." she felt tears on her cheeks

"I understand Demetria, but there can be no lies between husband and wife." he turned to dress in his armor

"Where are you going?' she gets up and walks to him

"To the gallows, to my quarters. I need space and do not expect me tonight. I need to be away from here, away from you right now"

Hawke fell to her knees "And what about our child?" her voice was shaking

"I don't know, but that is several months from now and it is nothing worth worrying about right now" he is appalled at himself, not worth worrying? Maker's Breath how could he say that? Pain or not, he shouldn't of said it and as he looked to her he saw her sadness and pain slip and anger boil in her eyes. He saw a sneer of hatred. What had he done?

"Good, leave, you Bastard, leave now and do not ever come back. I will have your stuff packed and sent to you. You are not welcomed in this house again" She turned her back on him

His own anger fleeing, Cullen thought, has he possibly lost her forever and his child as well? Hawke was stronger than steel, she would not back down and forgive him. Walking to her, he whispered against her ear "Forgive me" and then turned and left.

Once she knew he was gone, she collapsed on the floor. Her heart was screaming in agony. Was this it? Would they be over for good? Could she live with it if it was? She wrapped her arms around her child, their child and cried, please come back she pleaded in her heart. I don't know if I can do this without you.

*******

Cullen arrived at the Gallows and throwing his stuff he had with him in his quarters went to the training ground and beat the hell out of every training dummy and recruit dumb enough to face him. Even then, his rage was uncontrollable and it was all focused on himself. Yes he had been angry she lied and yes it hurt him greatly too, but what he had said about their child, calling him an it and dismissing it like one would a messenger had been unforgivable, even if she did, could he?

Anger was always his bane, its why Cullen worked so damn hard to keep himself under control and why he had never had any relationships in the past. Love could make people act on stupidity levels as he just showed himself. Once he had an innocent love for Hawke's cousin Ishari, yet when she saved his life he had been cruel and unkind. Said things out of anger and hurt a woman who had been beautiful and kind. Now he was doing so again, with his own wife this time. Fate was ironic at best when the two women ever to hold his affection he had hurt by giving into anger for a minute.

Slowly he walked to his post and tried to focus on something other than Demetria, but he could still smell her scent on his skin and see her perfectly when he shut his eyes and hear the softness of her voice, he knew the task ahead of him was impossible. Hawke would never be the type of woman a man could push from their thoughts even if they tried. He took a deep breath, Templars had superb focus, they could focus on anything and tune out all around them. So calling on his training, he took another deep breath and tried to focus. He was not just a Templar, he told himself, but a Knight-Captain and as such, he did not weep, he did not curse himself and he did not allow emotions to rule him. He was stronger than that...stronger...he felt the wind caress his face and bring her scent once more across his skin to his senses. Even nature wanted to remind him Templar training meant nothing to the pain he now had thrust into his heart, his Soul.

********

Hawke sat in her cousins arms and cried and when she thought she could cry anymore, she did in fact do so. Finally her crying slowed down and she lifted her head once more.

"Demetria, I know now the pain is unbearable and you feel hopeless, but it will get better in time. Cullen loves you and you both hurt each other, but it will be OK. You know once he lashed out to me when I saved him during the blight. At the time I felt like my heart broke over how cruel he was being, but didn't once think of the pain he went through. Recently we have had a chance to speak more and I realized Cullen is still a unsure boy when it comes to love and often reacts badly when angered and hurt. You lying about the dreams was wrong, and what he said was terrible too, but you both hurt each other this once and love each other for much longer. It will work out, maybe not today or next week, but love will bring you both together again. Heck, I told you about Alistair and how he stopped me from dying. I wanted to kill him, screamed at him and could of smack him, but in the end, love won. Fairy tales are kids stories. But sometimes the right person can make it seem like happily ever after is possible. The difference between stores and life, it that people do fight, can walk out of each other so forth, but the part that they are the same is love can bring two people back together and triumph over all and live happily forever."

Hawke looked at her cousin once more and was astounded on her insight.

"How did you get so wise?" she asked

"Have you ever met Alistair? Believe me, falling for that man and then living with him made me have to learn to live on faith alone. He is by far the most frustrating, romantic, beautiful, annoying and a whole lot of other words of a man. I swear he should of had dents and broken bones with how often he climbed and fell off my pedestal before he found a way to glue his cute ass up there permanently."

Hawke watched as Ishari softened and leaned back on the couch.

"It is hell being away from him. I love him so much, something I think I will die because my heart can't handle anymore love. He is so much more than I could ever want. He is 100% devoted and faithful to me, he kisses me with the same passion he did the first time we kissed all those years ago in our camp during the blight. His hands still tremble when we make love, like he is afraid he will hurt me with his strength, exactly how he was when we first made love. While he has become a strong King that Ferelden loves, he once was an awkward boyish man who cracked terrible jokes and laughed often and would just sit back and smile for no reason. I will never forget when we first met. He was arguing with a Mage at Ostagar and when it was over and I approached him, he asked if I was a Mage because he wanted to know his chances of being turned into a frog." she smiled at the memory "I was a young girl, barely out of my teen years when I was sent to Ostagar, never been anywhere and I was so overwhelmed. After the battle and Lothering and the first night after leaving there, I was terrified. I felt like the walls were falling in on me. Then I finally drifted off to sleep and dreamed about the Archdemon. I woke up screaming, and then he was there. He held me as I cried and screamed and was scared out of my wits. Finally he looked at me and wiped the tears off my face and smiled, then told me, it would be OK and that he would guard my back with his life so I had nothing to be scared of. He was my armor against the world and I started to fall for him then. Alistair was so easy to fall in love with, he was so kind and sweet and one minute he could be sweet and loving and the next vicious in battle."

"I hope one day to meet him"

"You will, when all this is over, he plans to come to Kirkwall and meet you and escort me home so I don't run off on another adventure" she laughed "that was the message I got yesterday from him. He signed it xx's and oo's and kisses the curl my toes, after I kill my foes, he will drag me home by my nose and then it will be kisses with a rose, and sex like I have never known."

Both women laughed.

"This is what the King of Ferelden writes his ladylove?" Hawke giggled

"Yes and I cry thinking of how much he would of smiled that half grin and chuckled before rolling it and then stamped it before giving it to the messenger. But that's why I love him so much. We live in a dark dark world that is on the verge of falling apart and no matter what darkness I face, Alistair will always be my light, just as Cullen is yours, because I do believe you both will make it through this and all will be OK between you both."

"OK, enough fun and happy time, we need to find this sword and go kill a Demon, before baby bump grows into Mama not being able to fit into her armor."

"Agreed, lets go over what I found the other day in those Tevinter books Anders gave me"


End file.
